Any advice on a relationship where someone loves you but isn't in love with you?

After going out with her for 10 months I finally met my online girlfriend. And it was great. I thought I'd be nervous or awkward around her, but I was completely comfortable. Probably because we've talked every day and Skyped all of the time. But on the first night with her she starts breaking down and crying that she doesn't think she's in love with me. And my heart dropped. I'm so in love with her and was terrified when she said this. I had no clue this would happen. I stayed with her for three weeks and it was amazing for me and I we got along pretty well. But after the three weeks and I've gotten home she still feels the same way... and I have no clue what to do. I'm not sure if we're going to last and it makes me so sad because I've put everything into our relationship and I've given her so much of my time and my life revolves around her basically. Her grandpa died on March 27th and she's been feeling like she's bored of everything lately. She's been feeling that way for the last few months. She's gotten depressed and has even cut herself. She's conflicted about what she wants to do in life and is stuck between two fields that she's interested. It's embarrassing but we've been pretty sexual on Skype and text. And yet for the last few months she's been feeling like her sex drive is diminishing. We had sex a bunch in real life but only the first time was passionate. Maybe she isn't sexually attracted to me. I'm not sure what to do. She's been talking to her friends and family for advice and she's trying to sort out her feelings for me. I think maybe I should give her time to think about it but I also feel like if I do that she'll know what it feels without me and it'll be easier for her to move on.. She says she can't imagine life without me and that I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had. She knows I would never hurt her and knows I never would break her heart. I just don't get how you can love someone but not be in love with them.
What advice could you give me?

Any advice is greatly appreciated
I'm trying to take things day by day with her. Trying to back off some. I don't want to be too clingy but I'm also missing her so much that it's hard not to be. I'm so depressed because of this. I haven't eaten in days. I have trouble sleeping because all I see when I close my eyes are memories of her. And it hurts a lot.


What Girls Said 1

  • As much as you may not like my answer. She has told you twice now that she doesn't think she's in love with you. You can't really hide the fact that she feels that way. Maybe during the times she met with you face to face she didn't feel it with you anymore. If you stay in the relationship it will be a one sided love and it won't work out, because you'll want her to feel the same to. Just a thought ok.

    • Do you think there's a possibility that she'll come to her senses? Everything has been confusing to her lately. She's bored of everything. She doesn't like little things anymore and she doesn't find enjoyment in enjoyment. She can't even be affectionate to me anymore... should I still cling on to hope?

    • Mmm I would say she's in the relationship (mentally/physically/emotionally) she seems like she is way to disconnected from it. Maybe when things start to get better around her she'll understand. But I don't see it happening anytime soon

    • I'm just hoping that time will help her. And that maybe being away from her will make her miss me. She's even told me that she didn't appreciate my presence enough when I was with her irl. So I'm still hopeful. I'm hurting though.

What Guys Said 2

  • i think you should completely cut her off from your life... i dont know what to say but it looks like she is not in love with you...
    or maybe i think she has been going through a lot like her depression because of grandpa's death and all and her cutting herself.. etc etc
    I think she is confused and all

    but she has also made it clear that he is not in love with you... maybe she just felt love for a short period... or confused something else for love..

    my best advcie is that you should just let her go and not talk to her until she contacts you.. cause in the end whatever happens you will get hurt...
    so protect your heart...
    give her time... but be prepared to move on

    • That's some really great advice man. I really appreciate your response.

      I feel like she needs more time. Time away to sort out her feelings for me. I really hope she didn't confuse love for something else. Because I've given her my all. Changed my whole lifestyle for her. Gave her everything. Tried to be the perfect boyfriend for her.

      I'm already hurting. Waking up all the time to images of her and all the fun times we spent together. I miss her so much and her presence. It's so difficult for me. I don't want to move on.

    • Show All
    • Ohhh well that sucks that you hav e to force her to say something affectionate...
      Dont do that...

      It looks like she wants to keep you around while she may get over you...

      My advice is still the same... cut contacts with her...

    • I feel like things are getting better but I still don't know. I'm sure what we have is love. I dream of her every day and it's hard not talking or being around her. I know I want her to be more affectionate, but thinking about how things used to be between us, she wasn't that affectionate then either.. so maybe I'm reading things wrong. Maybe she does care and love me but is showing it in her own way.

  • Bro she just don't love you end of story. I forced myself to date a girl I didn't even love and it just didn't work out.

    • But she does love me. I don't think she would keep trying or talk to me everyday or do the things she does for me if she didn't.

    • There is more then 1 type of love my friend and you would be supposed with what people would and woudnt do just for people they care about. she may care about you but not be in love with u