I thought someone might say this... Obviously, doesn't apply to me nor any other woman that actually goes for what she wants...Forgot about splitting - the fairest way... xD
It would be find if women were asking out guys as often as guys are asking out women, but current gender roles still dictate that it is suppose to be the guy that asks. Also you don't know what the other person is thinking. Some guys think if the woman pays for herself it is because she didn't like the date, and doesn't want to owe the guy anything, while some women may be paying for herself in order to show the guy she is willing to put in the work and not use him like her own personal checkbook. It creates a lot more confusion than there needs to be.
Haha Guys hardly ever ask anyone out... They're even worse than women in my experience.
Your experience is not normal. Most women are not as open to being the one doing the asking out. Instead most of them just drop hints to get the guy to ask her out.
That's what most people do... not just women. Most definitely guys are very scared of women rejecting them and women are very scared of being seen as sluts simply because they made the first move. It's ridiculous, but it's true.
Yup, I realized I forgot that option... xD
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This is true... I totally forgot about splitting! xD
She could pay the next time
@soupfairy and if there is no next time? What if he goes on multiple dates with different women that don't follow up on a 2nd date? He loses out.
@ThisDudeHere then he should reevaluate the caliber of women he is pursuing. It Is never going to be good form for a person to ask someone on a date with the intention of their guest paying. I'm not discounting your point but I am not afraid to ask a guy out or pay. I always have enough money to pay just incase my date slips out a bathroom window... But if he invites me out and doesn't offer to pay them there won't be a second date. I mean think of how it would sound if a guy asks a girl"would you like to buy me dinner sometime?" Umm if I wanted to buy you dinner I would have asked you.
@soupfairy and yet there are girls who pretty much ask exactly that.
@ThisDudeHere well they are goofy and if I was a man I wouldn't be there for it
@soupfairy If I'm actually sure there is going to be a next time then yes. That's why I said "early on.""reevaluate the caliber of women he is pursuing" is just ridiculous. Like it's that easy. I asked you out because I wanted to enjoy your company, not for the 'privilege' of buying you dinner. Although guys still often end up paying because we're stupid like that.
Well the whole point of a first date is to see if you want a second date, so house are you ever going to be sure. And the only reason I wouldn't at least go on a second date I'd because the guy Is douche. So why should I pay if he invites me and acted like an ass?
And as far as reevaluating the caliber of women that you pursue, it is pretty simple. Do you know literally anything about her before asking her out? Does she work\pay her own bills? Or does she live with her parents? If you met her put st the bag did she cont with girlfriends or is she doing at the bar conning his into paying her tab. It's not ever going to be 100 but you should have an idea if you are dealing with a mature woman or a spoiled princess.
@soupfairy I"m going to feel pretty sure after the 10th date whether or not there'll be an 11th, and let's just say at that point I'm willing to take the risk.Why should you pay? Because you went to a place the sells food, paid for food and ate it. Regardless of who you're doing with that part can remain the same. Why is paying for what you eat unusual all of a sudden? So should he not have to pay if he invites you out and you act like an ass?Putting aside that, working, paying bills, living with parents doesn't necessarily resonate with "caliber" for me. Your point about "reevaluating the caliber of women" was about getting a second date. So even if I assume these things are a measure of "caliber", how does that *ensure* a second date? If a guy invited a girl out the second time, then doesn't all your reasoning still let her squirm out of paying anything again, let alone for the whole thing? Even if she does, how do we ensure an even number of dates?
Basically I don't see how this can match splitting in terms of fairness.
Will then the next time you go on a date you can go duetch and see how much more likely you are to get s second date. I dint see what your beef with me is any ways. I am not afraid to ask a guy out or pay for a date, as I established before. Are you really looking for a more effective approach, or a pity party?
Also the point I was trying to make is why should a guy ask me out, act like an ass, and expect me to pay. So your analogy of if HE asks me out, and I act like an ass, why should he pay... The answer is poor judgement, out you can go with manners. Just because your fate didn't have them didn't mean you shouldn't
@soupfairy I've no beef with you. I'm questioning your approach, don't take it personally."Just because your fate didn't have them didn't mean you shouldn't"This implies how they act is irrelevant and one should still pay."why should a guy ask me out, act like an ass, and expect me to pay"This implies how they act is important. So which is it?Obviously it comes back to 'asker pays', but all this came out of asker pays but how to get the second date reliably. Assuming you're ok with paying for a date with a guy you asked and didn't want a second and assuming all women had the same attitude as you, then it would come close to the fairness of splitting albeit a more round about way. But it has far more potential for going wrong by comparison. There's another reason why you think splitting doesn't work, what is that reason that you think doesn't get a second date?
yes, my opinion is that manners matter and so does etiquette. its just poor etiquette to invite someone to something as a guest and expect them to pay. manners are a part of etiquette and visa verse. I do think that etiquette is modernizing, and i think that the act of providing accommodations to one whom is a guess is the best way for the etiquette to evolve in a modern society of equality. and again I've paid for dates before, and I've paid for bad ones worst case scenario i have a good story to tell my pals at the bar (where beeteebuds i also pay for my own drinks). I also totally encourage women to take charge of their lives romantically and not be afraid to make a move on a guy if she likes, and guys not to put up with such pollyprincess BS from girls
@soupfairy It would be bad etiquette unless the default assumption was that people always pay for themselves. It just depends on what the cultural norm becomes. Thing is, I don't feel like their guest unless I'm in their home. That's really the only situation I feel like the guest status applies. If they're in my house I'll make them food and everything and that all makes sense. But in a resturaunt I feel like everyone is a kind of guest of the establishment. Doesn't feel the same. Just me?Honestly I don't like restraunts anyway. I'd so much rather just have people over so I can cook. To me, that's a real initation that has you as a guest and I have no problem feeding a guest at my expense.I agree with those attitudes and it would be nice if women adapted their attitudes. I encourage the same things.
Maybe you should discuss it in private messages...
Nah, I think I'm done. :)
guilty about it... missing a... y there
Dude, didn't you ever watch the adults fight over the dimsum bill? lmao
@Cosytoasty lol no , my family is more... discrete about it , after the dinner just before we call it a night , we stand outside the restaurant , says our goodbyes and then... money starts secretly changing hands with those good bye hugs and handshakes , slipping money into pockets and such. Keep it LOOOOOWW key. LOW.
I don't think it is... It's nice, but some guys are offended when they're expected to pay and some are offended when they aren't. It's a mad world.
Your right it is a mad world