I don't need a huge rock. In fact, I'd prefer something modest. But I want it to come from him, or there's not much point in getting a ring in the first place.
It's not the norm to have expensive things constantly being bought for you. Besides, an engagement ring is a unique circumstance.
@samhradh_leannan The entire "diamond is a girls best friends" crap is a sham. Valentine's day, Weddings, etc. are all excuses for women to expect and demand men spend their hard earned money on females, it's during these times women expect men to dig deep and $$ is more important than thought.
I agree with a lot of that. But you're also stereotyping and focusing on the extreme situations. Most girls don't have diamonds constantly being thrown at them, and most don't want that or expect it. I have never expected that, and nor have I ever received it, and that's perfectly fine. But an engagement ring is different. It is one time where a piece of jewelry truly symbolizes something very important, and a proposal is a special occasion that (assuming things go as planned) only happens once in a lifetime. I don't expect a lot from my partner in terms of gifts or financial contribution. In fact, in terms of finances, I probably contribute at least three times what he does to our relationship. But an engagement ring is one thing I do want, and I want it to be done right, and I don't see any reason to feel bad about that.
@samhradh_leannan Yes it's a generalization, but it's one based on truth. Most girls may not have diamonds being thrown at them constantly but almost all of them expect a ring at least once. Almost all expect a male to spend some sort of money on them or be condemned to "the dog house".The engagement ring does not symbolize anything except societies sheep like ignorance to follow anything they are told. The ONLY reason women want diamonds and people buy diamonds is because the De Beers company which owns 85% of the diamond trade, was successful in the early 1900's of making diamonds appear rarer than they are, by aggressively restricting the supply of diamonds. They created a massive campaign which told women to expect a diamond and nothing less, and women happily complied. Men are not shamed if they don't give some 3 months pay priced diamond to a female.
I knew that story. I know how the tradition came about. And I still expect a ring. I don't want anything huge and flashy, I'd actually prefer something extremely modest, and I don't WANT my partner to go broke buying it. But I still expect one. Just because the tradition was initially started by a campaign, that doesn't mean that there isn't symbolism to it at this point. In a world where I'm surrounded by women who are being given engagement rings as symbols of their love and commitment, seeing it as a fun, romantic tradition, to be the one girl who doesn't get that gift is a lot for my partner to expect of me all for the name of politics or practicality. I've worked hard and sacrificed a lot for my relationship. I accept not being given a lot of romantic and chivalrous gestures that other girls get. But this is one thing that I want. If you think it's wrong, sue me. I have my reasons for it and I don't see a problem with how I feel.
@samhradh_leannan You are seeing it though a female mindset because men don't give rings as a symbol of their love and commitment, they do it because they have to, because it's expected of them. If you look in the media, men don't see it as "fun and romantic", it's stressful and an unnecessary evil. Joked about for being the end of his freedom and the symbol for women that they can stop trying physically and sexually.But I get that as a female you need to follow, it's one of the biggest reasons marketing is usually geared towards women. Women base their happiness and content on how they compare to other women. But this comment has derailed. The question was "should women pay half"... and I feel they should.
"Joked about for being the end of his freedom and the symbol for women that they can stop trying physically and sexually." That's marriage itself, not the ring specifically. If you don't want to be married, don't get engaged. I'm not sure what more there is to say on that subject. An engagement ring symbolizes the engagement, and that is the same thing as symbolizing love and commitment. If you weren't committed and in love, you wouldn't be proposing. It may not mean anything to you personally, but at this point, that is the reason for giving an engagement ring. It is intended as a symbol. That's the purpose behind it now, regardless of how the tradition began.An engagement ring is not the most important thing. And if he truly can't afford it, well, that's a different matter. But if a guy really loves me and wants to make me happy, I wouldn't expect him to show it by prioritizing politics and social rebellion over doing something that would make me feel special and valued. That's a
@samhradh_leannan We have to get engaged... we are expected to, we are pressured to, forced by society to. It isn't a "choice". A ring, an engagement, a wedding... these things symbolize love and commitment to YOU (females). It isn't a requirement for men as a sign of love and commitment we can go our entire lives completely in love and committed to a female and not have to or want to "put a ring on it" we do so because we have to. If we don't "women" will suggest things like "if a guy really loves me and wants to make me happy, I wouldn't expect him to show it"
Again, if you don't want to get married, don't get married. This is the 21st century. Nobody is forcing you to, and trust me, no girl wants you to marry her just because you feel like society is pressuring you to. It seems like you have a larger issue with the whole institution of marriage, and you're taking it out on the issue of engagement rings.
@samhradh_leannan You are talking about the vast majority of males. It's not just me as an individual. Most men are pressured to get married, most men don't want to get married, we do so because if we don't comply the women we love become jaded and leave.But yes, we were talking about wedding rings and the answer was that women should pay half.
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