What Does This Mean?

I am 25, been living with my 25 year old boyfriend for 2 years. End of April he moved out, because we have been fighting daily, and he slept in the car a lot. I agree, most of this is my fault, I even went to see a therapist. Yesterday he was over, and I told "I want to give you a home, and prove that I have changed. So why don't you give notice to where you are renting, and move in with me in June? You don't have to pay rent to stay with me, and can leave anytime". He told me "I don't know, I have no plans, I'm not ready to do that, most couples date and then go back to sleep at their own house anyways". This really hurt me so I said "is that what you want after 2 years? to live separately?" He got agitated, so I asked "well what did you friends say after we broke up?" He said "none of your business"... That hurt me, and I said "feels like you don't want to be with me". He got so angry he got in his car and drove away. Although I apologized, he hasn't responded. He still has my picture on his facebook & his phone, as well as his tv, computer and some clothes at my place... Seems to me he wants to break things off for good? Am I wrong?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I may insult you a bit, but its how I read it. It is good and mature that you got therapy. I question if it was enough... these issues are deep rooted and take time to work though... not just instructions like do this and that... but deep emotional conditioning (lack of love/wounds) from childhood.

    Realize every one of those fights was an MMA prize fight where he was beaten up emotionally. In other words, he needs therapy as well to help navigate his emotions and heal and understand you... because guys shut down emotionally in that environment, I can give more context for that more if you want.

    2yrs is a long time and girls get bonding chemicals which makes it feel like he should be there with you. that makes this tough, just like a young marriage... but there is the problem with living together... it isn't! So you end up offering to have him stay again... That was too forward if you didn't start dating again and demonstrate it could be good. He rejected that offer, logically not emotionally, and you felt rejected. I get why you felt rejected (my above point), but that tells me your are not emotionally together yet... he was right to say "lets go slower" in effect. You can't be needy after breaking up, or emotionally controlling or manipulating... at that is what this feels like to him. He wants to come back, but his pain says be careful.

    His friends... you know what they said... they probably aren't mature and have told him to leave that "Bi4!@#@", right? That isn't fair, they aren't mature and you should be drawing references from his counselor or some married couple who can be mentors.

    It may be hard to recover and repair because I feel like you are still sensitive and needy. The ONLY hope I see for you two is couples counseling to re-establish that you do care and want to work on yourselfs (both need healing) and the relationship, learn how to communicate more effectively because the above indicates a lot of emotional junk undertones classic of male/female disconnects, re-date and get to know each other again [I say no hanky panky, but whatever], and then figure out how you move forward.

    This has red flags all over it because of the incessant fighting... which indicates two or at least one very wounded child that will take time to heal. ...

    • The value in this relationsihp is that it turned up this junk so that your inner child (ren) can heal and you'll be healthy in some future relationship. Maybe it is this one, but it is a tall order at this point since so much damage done and you are young and not married... point being... what really is the commitment? If you really love someone, you are willing to let them go and you are whole on your own. That is healthy relationship. In this case, the counselor I think has a tough job, but it is the way forward.

      Let us know how this goes. Whatever you do, go back to counselor and get all the growth and lessons out of this you can. Be glad there are no offspring and seriously re-think your approach in relationships because if there was one, this would be a mess X3

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    • may be easier to switch to follow/message, it is easier to track the dialog.

    • I would love to private message you, in fact I just followed you, but can't message you until you follow me. amandaschwartz

Most Helpful Girl

  • doesn't sound good... I am in a similar situation but we have agreed to not live together anymore. We didn't split because of our relationship though it was an external factor (aka his psycho mother).

    Sometimes going back to dating is what is needed because all you trie to do was drag him back into a situation he didn't want to be in which is why he ended it.

    I suggest you go back to dating and take it a step at a time and go from there, dont rush him. See I have been reminding my boyfriend what he left as I am an awesome cook and sexually I know I turn him on more than anyone ever has as well as our top banter...

    Is there anything you did for him which he loved? a favourite meal or something?

    • Well... it is hard for me to be with him sexually because I don't feel comfortable to sleep with him on weekdays when he insists on going home to sleep there. Something just doesn't feel right? If you love and miss someone wouldn't you want to be living with them and take a chance?

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    • stuff him, you can do better...

    • Thank you :)

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't have any experience with relationships but hopefully it's just a commitment problem and not a loyalty issue.


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