Boyfriend of 4 Months No Longer Affectionate?

My boyfriend & I are 23 years old and in college. We started dating 4 months ago. He pursued me a lot in the beginning & was very affectionate & sent me adorable, sweet texts every day. I'm not the type to fall for guys super fast. I like to take my time. He pursued me heavily for a few weeks & as I got to know him better, I realized how genuine he was & just what I needed in my life. I loved how sweet & romantic he was, as that is something that is important to me. I agreed to become his girlfriend & we became official.

The next few months were amazing. My boyfriend was very verbally affectionate & romantic as well as physically. We were in college, & he has a difficult major. Even though he had to spend so much of his week studying, he always made sure to keep up with me even when he was busy & let me know how much he loved and missed me. He said he wants to spend forever with me.

Fast forward to today. we are both back home for the summer. We live in different states and although I was concerned about the distance, he promised me nothing would change & he would keep in touch often and throughout the day. It's been 2 weeks & he takes hours to respond to text messages. He talks very formally now with little emotion. It's mostly, "hey what's up?" questions & takes hours to respond. I usually have to initiate first. All romance has gone out the window & he is no longer sending me sweet, affectionate texts. He doesn't say I love you unless I say it first, which is VERY uncharacteristic of him.


At first I kept my sadness to myself, but about 4 days ago I told him how I was feeling & that I missed our communication. I told him it's not about how much he texts me, but the quality of the messages. I am in no way expecting him to text me constantly. The problem is the lack of affection and romance like he used to do. I called him the other day crying saying I missed him being affectionate & if everything was okay. He said everything is fine and he has just been busy.
3 days later & it's worse. I talked to him again about it last night (not in a nagging way) and he took hours to respond while I tried to pour out my heart to him, but stopped answering my messages & went to bed without saying goodnight like usual. He woke up today and saw my message and did not respond to it. Hours later, he simply says "morning". He completely ignored the conversation last night and did not finish. I have not texted him back yet. Not sure what to do...


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What Guys Said 3

  • Hard to say with this. He texts are low quality now because he has you and doesn't need to try hard anymore. Some people just aren't into texting. I agree this is a huge red flag. You have said your peace and explained how you feel. Like it or not, at this point forward he may think of you as being nagging or over emotional and this is why he isn't texting much and basically ignoring you. He is showing the pace at which he is comfortable with texting you at. If you want more you might have to spice up the material, you know?

  • well i would not worry to much in every relationship there is a comfort zone most complain about the comfort because you get to know each other and the trust is so good that nothing bothers you if they are talking to another girl/guy. its just part of being together.

    and the i loves you are less because one or both people just assume or know the other person loves them and they dont need to say it as much as they used to. most people dont like the comfort zone for the reasons your talking about but its just normal.

  • you have to understand long distance relationships are always difficult. plus there's always a chance someone may have find or end up with someone else, especially if they're able to get someone easy. or maybe he's busy with work.


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