Do I continue my attempts at no contact or go for broke?

Without getting into an inordinate amount of details, I am interested in a girl who plays hot and cold. One day she's flirting with intent and initiating all sorts of contact, the next day she's reserved and says "hi friend." She invites me out to an intimate event one day, then will be "busy" for awhile. Very back and forth.

It's obvious she's playing games. I'm almost at the point of moving on, but she's great to be with when we do hang out. I can take one of two actions:

- Soft no contact. This is what I've been doing the past few days. I run into her during the week due to my work, so I can't go full cold turkey. However, I've been all business when she says hi. The other day she asked to borrow a pen, I handed one to her, then I packed up and left the building.
- Go for broke. Next time I see her (not texting, not calling), I would let her know she and I are going out (day, time, and place). If she doesn't agree, then she can contact me when she wants to go out and I will move on.

I don't want to chase anymore. I can either act aloof and distant and see if she comes crawling, or I can "go big or go home." Both have their pros and cons. What do you think works better?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, if someone wants to be with you, you don't need to resort to doing some huge gesture in order to make that happen. You can basically be blunt with her and say "Hey, I like you and I really want to pursue something with you. Do you feel the same way? If not cool, but I need to know. I feel like things are hot and cold and I really just want to lay it all out so that we can see where we are at."

    I honestly hate games, and I think you are wasting your time. If she isn't willing to show you her feelings, will it really satisfy you? Sounds to me like you are pretty frustrated.

    I was seeing this guy for several months. He kept saying he wanted to get to know me better, and didn't want to rush into anything. But he would barely make any time for me. Conversations were always brief, limited to basically him asking me how my day was. Even if I asked him questions they would be short responses from him. I always tried to ask questions and get to know him and he would always push back.

    in my opinion there is only so much time you can spend waiting on someone to come around. If they aren't willing to come around, then you need to stop wasting your time.

    But I think it's worth it to be blunt and see how she reacts. I can see how frustrating this may be for you. It's way better to ask upfront what her intentions are than to sit back and wonder.

    Good luck!

    • Got the message across today. Was received positively and she suggested this weekend as long as she's in town. So we'll see. Not dwelling over it now.

    • That's awesome! :D Good luck!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Why do you want her? If she's playing hot and cold it's because she's immature. You can score a better chick. Don't sink down to her level.


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What Girls Said 1

  • How would you react if she did option #2 with you...

    I've come close to trying that but something stops me. I don't really play hot and cold I just seem to get into miscommunication bc I don't really play anything so guys get confused. It's ironic actually. Anyhow I think doing the second is something by I'd be more comfortable doing to a person than responding to a person doing to me.

    Maybe you should ask instead of tell her bc that might turn her off however much I understand your wanting to just tell her. I feel the sAme. But I don't think it'd go over well. That is why I ask how your react to her telling you you guys are meeting.

    by the way how much warning would you give. Like what time you what day and how far from the day you're telling her?

    • When I say tell, I don't mean TELL. Taking charge of the situation. I simply wouldn't phrase it as a question, even though it would still be me asking her (if that makes sense).

What Guys Said 2

  • oh man, to me that would be turn off. how can you be playing games like that? i just move on in these situations.

  • Go for broke is my opinion good luck

    • How do you think you'd respond to someone you like "telling " you when you're meeting?