She took it lightly and so did I and now I feel like crap?

Me, 20, and this girl, 22, hung out for a few months during college. Are relationship accelerated gradually: first it was just sitting next to each other in class, then we started to text each other every so often, then soon we hung out. The momentum, however, died because break came and she left the college.

I'm inexperienced with girls. She was the first woman I ever asked out--first for coffee, then we did other stuff, but the whole time I played it cool. I wasn't outcome dependent at all, didn't worry about her or whether she'd say yes or not. She kept saying yes, though. When break came around, I asked her out one last time with the intention of being okay with whatever she said. We kind of made tentative plans, then she canceled on me the day before because she had to go to her cousins' house.

That's okay--we texted some more in the week following and, even though I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or not, I thought what the heck, I'll give it one more chance. I asked her again one last time, thinking I had nothing to lose. Long story short, she played this game where she'd take a couple days to answer and act interested, but ultimately say no because she was busy.

Resigned, I told her to call me when she was free so we can hang out.

I'm naive. I admit it. I actually expected her to eventually call me. If not, I expected her to at least say what's up to check up on me. But it's been a few months and it's nothing and now I finally realized that she really took our whole thing lightly. The thing is, I kind of did too---I mean, I was into her, but I was okay with whatever she said since I knew there are more women out there and that one girl shouldn't make or break me.

But now I feel really, really down. I thought we were on the level where we'd chat once in a while, but I guess she's perfectly content with me not even being a small part of her life. I kind of feel like a fool for expecting more. I guess beautiful girls like her get so much male attention that I'm just another one of those shlucks she leaves behind to no discontent in her mind.

Today was the first time I actually cried over this. It's been over three months and it was the first time it really hit me. And what an idiot I was, thinking about her everyday, when I just flew out of the door of her mind right away.


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What Girls Said 2

  • It sounds like maybe you liked her more than you would initially admit (even to yourself). I'm guessing here but you describe her as a beautiful girl who gets a lot of male attention so it sounds like you may have thought you weren't good enough for her and played down your desire for friendship (or more). It's obvious that she wasn't too interested in you other than casual short-term friendship but she could have been taking the cues from you.

    She did string you along a little bit though and that's not a good thing to do. She may or may not recognize that is what she did. Chances are since you've downplayed your desire for friendship, she didn't take your requests too seriously and decided to hang out with her more serious friends/family. She also could have been busy and really couldn't "hang out". Or she thinks your a "nice guy", but for whatever reason, she wasn't overly interested in establishing a friendship with you. But because you are a "nice guy" she doesn't want to be confrontational by saying "I'm not interested." Some girls have problems telling guys they think are nice that they aren't interested in them because they don't want to hurt their feelings or be confrontational with a "nice guy."

    But none of that really matters. What matters is now you've discovered that you did want to be in her life (even in some small way) and you are not. And you feel bad about it. Stop downplaying your feelings to yourself and to girls you are interested in. If you want to establish a friendship act like it matters to you. Think about what you want and make sure your actions are consistent with what you want. Even if you are rejected, you will be true to yourself.

    Furthermore, I don't think you are a shluck and I'm sure she didn't too.

    • I think the stringing along hurt quite a bit. Like I said, initially I was fine with whatever she said, but when she played that game, it gave me hope, then she ultimately extinguished it.

  • Maybe you should contact her, maybe she thought you were more interested in a friendship than something else, give it one last shot. But if she turns you down then just move on and learn from this experience and next time make it more clear that is not just as friends. Also as I girl I don't like guys to rush things but I hate if they take it TOO slow...hope this helps and good luck

    • Let's assume hypothetically that she thought I just want to be friends. So, if we were friends, then why the hell has she not said "what's up" the last few months? A text would take a few seconds. It doesn't even seem to me that we're friends.

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