Can you be with a selfish person but you like him/her very much?

I like my boyfriend so much and he likes me deeply too, however he's a very selfish person while he is not aware of it. (I think non of selfish people would think they are selfish)

1. His salary is ten times of mine and he often asks me to go abroad for travelling once a month, which would cost one third of my salary. I have to take an extra part time job at night to afford it. We don't have a lot vacation so it is usually only 3 days trip.

2. He didn't want to carry my heavy baggage (he uses trunk with wheels) while we are walking to a restaurant he likes. After a big fight, he changed and now he would carry my baggage if I need it.

I really like him just his personality is like this and he seems never understand my feeling, and he doesn't care about my daily life so I seldom tell him my worries as I know he's not interested in.
He's a very smart and hard working guy, working hard and playing hard, while we don't have emotional connection.

I like him so much, don't ask me why, I don't know either. I know he likes me a lot as well though he's selfish.
Just I don't see our future:(

  • Yes if I like him/her a lot, I don't mind getting married with him/her.
    Vote A
  • Yes if I like him/her a lot, but I won't marry a selfish person.
    Vote B
  • I am a selfish person. (please leave your comment)
    Vote C
  • I am not a selfish person but I won't accept a selfish person as my SO.
    Vote D
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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You should ask yourself if you want to live with a person like him. Then you make your decision. All right, I know you love him, but those things should be decided rationally, not emotionally.

    • Yeah... that's what I am distressed now, just I hope selfishness is changeable

    • I wouldn't count on it :(

  • He doesn't sound selfish...
    I wouldn't date a selfish person.

    • Maybe I wasn't clear. To me, flight tickets are really expensive so a 3 days abroad trip is not a good idea for me. He would not help and just want me to take more part time job after work to earn more money so that I could travel with him.

What Girls Said 1

  • Have you told him about his selfish behaviors and how it makes you feel? If he doesn't know, how can the situation possibly improve? And if you do tell him and he refuses to change then you know that he's not a good person to be with and you can leave. Either way, you solve the problem by talking about it.

    • I did, and he usually apologizes while I am very angry because he doesn't want to break up with me, just there's always new problems come, I wonder if selfishness is something that could never be changed?

    • Show All
    • Hey thank you i really appreciate your response. Actually I always use smooth tone to communicate with him but he would not listen until I get mad=_= Kind of like children and mothers...
      But thank you, I will be more patient and see what happen, we've been together for 4 months only, after reading your comment I think I should give both of us more time, maybe I should not make the conclusion too soon.

    • How much relationship experience does he have? It's a little bit alarming that you've only been dating 4 months and he expects you to go on trips so expensive (to you) that you had to take up a second job. Have you told him how financially straining it is for you?

      Overall it sounds like he needs to put a lot more work into understand how you feel. He does sound like a person who doesn't think about others much and has not had a lot of experience having to compromise with a partner. Not saying that it's an impossible issue to fix. My boyfriend was a bit like that when we started out and I probably was at times too. We've both made a lot of progress at understanding each other and compromising to help the other out. That willingness to try has to be there though. If someone isn't willing to try to self reflect or make adjustments to their behavior then the relationship becomes a lost cause. I've been with someone who was like that too.

      I do think giving it a little more time is fine though.