Is this a total rebound?

One of my childhood friends and I ended up having drunk sex one night at a small party. This was several years ago. I felt bad about it because he had a girlfriend at the time. So, to keep the peace, I stayed away. He said he was looking for me ever since, and found me on social media. We exchanged numbers and he called me. During our conversation, he said he and the girlfriend are no longer together and she's with a new man. They still communicate because they have a child together, but he says she fights him pretty much every step of the way. He says he wants to start spending time with me, hang out, drink and have fun. Now he's texting me, calling me, and be "extra friendly". What do you think? Rebound or no?

Have you ever got with someone on the rebound? How did it turn out? I am curious!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmm well.

    Rebound or no rebound, I would at least run this one through two separate tests:

    1) Would you have *sober* sex with the dude?

    2) (imagining the situation if you were sober) Does this pass the "fuck yeah, or no" test?
    meaning, if you aren't enthusiastic enough to give it a "fuck yeah!", then, no. nothing in between. if those are the only two choices, do you give it a "fuck yeah!"?


    If this fails either one of those tests, then it's probably not worth it.
    I will confess ignorance to the whole drunken thing, because I've never actually been drunk before (#thegoodestbitch) ... but, if you wouldn't do the same thing sober, then, that can't be good, lol.

    If it passes BOTH of those tests, then maybe go for it -- although you should still think about whether you are in this for the sex, or are open to something more than that.

    * If it passes both tests and you're just in it for the sex, then, hey, go for it. Yolo, and all that. (And it'll probably be good sex -- single parents have a lot of stress to let out, that's for sure)

    * If it passes both tests and you're in it for MORE than just the sex, then... remember that, once you get past a certain point, the kid is gna become part of the package deal. Is that something you'd be ok with? Especially given that, in the long term, kids often have a pretty hard time accepting step-parents?
    Not something you need to have an immediate answer to... but, think about it. If this ends up being a long-term thing, it may take a lot of emotional patience (especially if the mother is a bitch and talks smack about you to the kid when yr not around).

    In any case, there's some pretty heavy shit here.
    And, frankly, if she is "fighting him every step of the way"... that may not speak too well for his ability to hold his own in a relationship. You feel me?
    I mean, it's possible that this woman is just a nuclear bitch from hell -- but, more likely, when this happens, it tends to mean that the guy is just letting her walk all over him. If that's the case... ehhh I don't know about you, but I need a man who stands up for himself and dosen't take shit.

    Good luck.

    • Thank you honey. You've made valid points. I know what he's after and I'm not for it. It was a dumb decision years ago when we had sex. I was drunk, he was drunk---heat of the moment type of thing. My best guess is that he's lonely now that his girlfriend is out of the picture. He saw me looking delicious on social media and decided he wanted another piece. Hell no!

    • Sounds like you know which way to go with this one, then.

    • Tx for the MH luv. <3

What Guys Said 4

  • Just say no, get counseling, both of you separately until your inner confusion is cleaned up and you have good boundaries.

    Rebound yes, needy yes, nacrissistic... possibly. Has a child but still wants to hang out and get drunk... he's escaping responsibilities of being a parent and a man... he's still a child.

    Unfortunate offspring... another child has to figure out why dad and mom don't love them and argue... and the cycle continues...

    • Funny thing, he is already getting counseling! Anger management, because of the child's mother. He was a good childhood friend, but now he's not doing so well. I think now that he's hit rock bottom, he's looking for the next chick to feed off of---which is not going to be me!

    • good call for you and him. He needs to... I hate to say this... suffer in his emotions and pain and learn... it is the only way he will grow. If he doesn't know God/Jesus, then send him that way somehow. All he's really doing is trying to self medicate to further numb the pain of life... and possibly escape the misery he has created... which is perfectly human. Maybe you can be a friend but that's it... out of concern for his soul. That's up to you.
      Good luck!

  • i don't think it's rebound since he's had feelings previously.

  • he sees you as easy pussy.

    that's it.

  • I think that he lost a girlfreind/ mother of his child and now he wants some one he knows.

    • I believe this too. I find it strange that he found me on social media after they broke up. How convenient right?

    • Precisely

What Girls Said 6

  • It's hard to tell but if I were you, I'd probably ask myself if I could date a guy like that. After all, he cheated on his wife... I'm not blaming you because you didn't know but still, doesn't it bother you?

    • Yes it bothered me. We had sex and I knew he had a girlfriend. This is why after the sex, and I sobered up, I stayed away from him for years. It was just this week we reconnected. I'm single, he's single--he wants to spend more time with me, but I feel it's for the wrong reasons. I believe he is just lonely right now and looking for something "new" to get into.

    • Well, since he recently got out of a serious relationship chances are he's just looking for a fun time, nothing else. If I were you I'd listen to my instincts. After all, you know him and if your instincts are telling you that he's not interested in anything serious then he probably isn't. Also, do you have any feelings for him or was it jus a one-time thing? If you don't then it doesn't really matter, does it?

  • I won t trust him since he had sex with you while being committed to someone else.
    he can also not be as serious and dedicated with you.
    so his intentions aren t always as he claims I d be wary of him and keep a close eye on him.
    so yea maybe rebound but nthng is sure

    • Yes, I don't trust him either. He's a decent guy, I've known him since childhood, but I feel he is just lonely now that his girlfriend is with someone else. I've ignored his calls and texts--I don't want to get involved.

    • bravo ^^

  • I don't know whether it's a rebound or not, but I have been told "He does this for you, he will do this to you."

  • This is beyond me..

    @redeyemindtricks - Could you help with this?

  • You don't sound like a rebound but I'd still be careful

  • i met a guy 3 months after he has left his 2 years long term relationship, he was still kinda sad and trying to heal when he first met me, but he liked me right away and said that him just out of a relationship wouldn't be an enough reason for him not trying to have a chance with me, and on the first dates we went together he was always really happy, and we had a real good time, i found him at times very romantically hugging me, or he sometimes kissed me on my forehead, he knew i was virgin and i dont want to have sex, but he still kept going out with me, a short time he took me to meet his friends, and once i gave him a gift he cried out of sadness cause i was leaving to go back to my country, the day i was leaving he was crying in tears, and then since i left (6 months now), we are still on a LDR, and he has been waiting for me, just after he saw how nice and sweet i am and different than the ex girlfriend, he said that he now feels that he hasn't experience real love before, that he only thought he did, but obviously he didn't, and that with me it is different, he said i made him feel things nobody made him feel before, and that he now thinks he has never met the right person before, and that he thinks i could be this person he has always been looking for ,.. Although trust me he was still sad at first, and it was hurting me, but he has done other things to prove himself to me like waiting for 6 months, and once he cancelled a trip he was going on just because he was afraid he will get tempted with girls there and would have slept with someone, so yes, it could happen, if you are truly a nice person and a better person for him than the ex, and he could feel more comfortable with you, then definitely yes it can happen and turn something more for him , BUT my advice would be that DONT SLEEP WITH HIM RIGHT AWAY, this guy i have been tellin you about, has been waiting for mr for 6 months now, so know you are more valuable than that, and that u also have your feelings to take care of

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