I hope I'm not just looking too much into things, but I think a co-worker might be into me. I'm not really sure how to proceed?

I've never been in a situation where I'm interested (-ish) in a co-worker, so I know I have to tread lightly.

We both work in medium-sized office. I trained her when she started a month ago, and we pretty much got along immediately. She's very kind and outgoing, so she fits in great with everyone (which is nice, because other people previously hired for our position weren't). I've always thought maybe some of her actions could be considered flirty, but I'm always overthinking everything, so I just pushed that aside.

While she's done things that I thought were pretty direct, I think the most "obvious" came the other day. Some of my family were in town the other day and I showed them around my workplace for a little bit. Said co-worker was there and she introduced herself and talked to them for quite a bit. (So did everyone else, but still!) Anyways, the next day she messaged me on Facebook and said something like, "I didn't mean to aggressively say hi to them it just kinda happened!" I told her my family thought she was super nice and she seemed pretty happy about that. I totally understand it's a pretty casual thing to say/mention, but again, we hardly know each other.

Anyways, I showed this to a couple of my (girl) friends and they were like, "Uh yeah, so she's really into you." They aren't the type to say that for anyone I ask advice for, so I feel a bit more confident about it. My only problem is this: how on earth do I handle (possibly) dating a co-worker? If (and a big if) it happened, literally everyone in the office would eventually know. And even then, if it turns out I was just getting the wrong signals, working with her from here on out would be absurdly awkward. So, it's basically a large-ass win-lose situation.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I think your last two sentences is really the heart of the question. What happens if you ask her out and she does not want to go out with you?

    I would imagine on her part, she would be flatter that you liked her even if she did not like you to date and that would be the end of it. As for your coworkers, I don't think it will be big deal if you asked a girl out and she said no. Especially for the guys. They have all been there or at least wish they had had the courage to ask a girl out.

    The real question is how will you be if you ask her out and she says no. Will you be OK with that? What if she starts dating someone else and god forbid, it is someone from your office? Will you be OK with that?

    If the answer is you would be OK then ask her out if you want to date her. I don't see anything in the behaviour you described to make me think she likes you romantically or does not like you romantically. I do not know.

    But then again, neither do you. You do know you like her so why not ask if you can handle a no. You may just get a yes. Win-win. :)

    • In regards to this: "If the answer is you would be OK then ask her out if you want to date her. I don't see anything in the behaviour you described to make me think she likes you romantically or does not like you romantically. I do not know."

      It really is confusing. I firmly believe I'm imagining everything, or at the least, exaggerating it. She's at least kind enough to talk to me outside of work which is nice! But of course I do the same to others at work.

      If I did ask her, or anyone from work, to do something outside of work, I don't care about being rejected; like you've said, we've all been there. My thing is the repercussions it could cause at work. I personally cannot think of it being a big deal at my work, but you never know. I think I'm just going to let it play out a bit and then go from there. It's worked for me before, so regardless of the end result, whatever is supposed to happen will happen.

    • The fear about dating someone you work with I think is overrated. It does matter if anyone of the couple is dramatic or vindictive. If it does not work out and it ends, havoc can ensue. Then it matters.

      But the majority of people you meet in life and time spent in life will be at work. This will become more true the older you get. A lot of relationships start with coworkers.

      If you know you are not dramatic or vindictive, then the only thing left is to determine if she is. If she think she may be, do not ask her out. If you do not think she is, then ask her out.

      The sucky part is you are going to have to go on a limb and ask her out. That you can not avoid if you want to date her. My experience says, it is better to just ask her out then do the friend thing/hangout thing.

      There are many times I am glad I am female and this is one of them. I would hate to have to initiate so I am glad I am female. Sucks to be you. lol! :)

      Good luck to you. I wish you well. :)

What Guys Said 2

  • Not enough to go by. She could just be a nice person that's trying to make a good impression on the job. Be careful in this type of situation. I once dated my supervisor. Didn't go well she tried to get me fired before she transferred and I left the company.

    • Yeah, it isn't much to go by. More of her stuff came from when we were training, when she would like draw me stuff, give it to me, etc. when she hardly knew me. She's indeed a very nice person which is why I disagree with my friends' opinion for now because she's just very extroverted. She's done other stuff too, but it sits right in the line of ambiguity.