I know this is probably going to sound like a rant but I'm really annoyed right now. A guy just called me shallow because I told him (nicely) that I'm not interested in anything other than friendship. It's not the first time this happens but the way he said it really bugged me. Like he was entitled to a chance because he's a nice guy while I'm the shallow one who only goes for looks. The thing is, he's 8 years older than me, overweight and below a 6 in looks. We have absolutely nothing in common even though he's nice to be around. I'm a college student, I like to work out and I care about what I eat while he works in a supermarket, hates working out and loves junk food. I'm not saying there's something wrong with that but is it so wrong of me to want a guy with similar interests? A guy who I actually find attractive? Why do people, especially guys, keep blaming me for being picky and call me shallow? I'm so tired of this double standard...
Most Helpful Guy
It's not wrong at all I'm sure if you had more in common with him even just beyond looks you'd have formed a bond and he would have had a shot, but that was the case here. People often get frustrated when denied even of its in the nicest way possible because they are frustrated with themselves and are frustrated with their hardships. For me that has never been an issue i don't look amazing I am a bit over weight but I except my self and cherish who I am and enjoy those around me there are struggles in life and I have lost many people that I loved but even then there is a brighter out look a brighter tomorrow. In that o have never struggled in relationships or finding sex even with beautiful women or even done better sexually than many friends who are notably more handsome but that's simply because I am who I am and because I am confident in myself. Confidence, joyand, laughter those are the three major hurdles to get past one who is confident in themselves often attract those around them, one who is joyful even in the bad times often attract those who simply want to enjoy themselves and be happy, and laughter is the way in to people's hearts and mind. We often forget that being kind of just being kind to others it's being kind to ourselves as well and when we are kind to ourselves, when we are confident, and joyous, and enjoy laughing as well as having people around us that can laugh as well and generally just enjoy the moment that is when people become attracted that is when people try to get to know us. Who are you more likely to go to a hot guy at a bar who is by himself and just seems moopy ad down on himself or the guy who may not be so attractive but seem like the life of the party and is just having fun and enjoying the company of others and who's just putting his best foot forward and having a great time. Odds are the not so good looking one that's having a great time. That's what people fail to see attachment and attraction although dose have a part to do with the physical really is only a small part of the big picture and if you love yourself and generally give love and happiness to others then people come to you. Most of the time I don't even have to do anything and I will get hit on but that is only because I except myself and those around me.1
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Most Helpful Girl
You're not shallow. In fact, your expectations seem totally reasonable.
Calling you shallow is just a typical butthurt guy reaction.. For some reason guys often seem blind to their own hypocrisy especially when they get rejected. They are overweight yet would never think of going for an overweight girl but then complain about fit girls being shallow when they get rejected.
There's a good chance this will happen to you again in the future so I wouldn't care too much about it if I was you.1