He threw us away. Where do we go from here?

We were happy. We were in love.
BUT then he went back to uni. He got new friends and new interests and I became irrelevant.
This lead to him pulling away completely, from our friendship, from our love, i don't think he even misses it. We never broke up, but it was an unspoken breakup.

It hurts every day. I miss him. I miss his love, his friendship, i miss talking when something exciting happens. He wasn't ready for serious yet, he wasn't ready to commit and so i let him go.

I have kept the lines of communication open, being there as a friend, interested in his life but his love seems gone and his friendships with new people seem so different (more public and vocal) than ours was. I feel like I wasn't fun.

Occasionally he messages me or snapchats me. Usually when I am out at a club, conveniently get a message (because god forbid i have a life without him). The other day he actually properly messaged me and then when i said "bye i'm going to the gym" he said "i miss your gym gear"... We briefly messaged yesterday but it lasted 2 messages and then no reply.

I am jealous of his friendship with all these other people.
I want our FRIENDSHIP back.
but i hate that he broke my heart and that i have all this leftover unrequited love. I HATE that he can exist without feeling a thing, without missing me, without thinking about me. I HATE that he can throw it all away without a second glance, that what was once the best love either of us have had, just got thrown in the garbage.

I don't know where to go from here?


Most Helpful Girl

  • What you said at the end about him texting you, especially at convenient times if you're out and he knows shows that he does think about you and does miss you.

    I think what the real problem here is he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either and that's probably the worst thing anyone can do to you. So selfish.

    If you would like your 'friendship' back then you need to take time away from him completely. Go no contact and enjoy your life because right now you're pretty upset.

    Don't settle for something just because you care for him. I read something somewhere and it said something like stop letting your feelings make all the decisions take a step back and let your head tell you what's right.

    I am talking from experience of a guy who did the same to me. To be honest he took up way too much of my time with me thinking why wouldn't he want this when it was so good? How can I get him back? Why doesn't he miss me like I do him? Etc etc. Such a waste of time. The only cure is to not text (even if he texts you) to not think about him and this is the hardest - to not look at his social media.

    Sorry for the essay. Just feel like your at the same point I was a month ago and I only wish I could have told myself how to make it better.

    • Yes. This. You made me feel so much better!
      As much as love him, I can't be with him if he doesn't want me back and so I should check out just like he did and focus on myself. If it's meant to be, it will be, but I can't force anything.
      No contact is happening from now... How long for though? Do I reach out after a certain amount of time or just wait and see if he does and if not give up on being his friend?

    • Don't be someone's option. What helped me was thinking that I had a life before I knew him and I was happy lol. People come and go and it's part of life, it's just unfortunate that we don't always choose that. I went no contact for a month, then brought up something funny that was an in joke and we were positive with each other and friendly. I had sort of built myself up to the text on the 30 day mark, what I was going to say etc. And even though he did respond in a friendly way I just felt a bit pathetic in myself that I had just had a month of missing him and wondering etc. After I had spoke to him (be sure not to bring up any shit btw) I sort of just realised what a waste of my time thinking about him is.

      Yes we had wonderful memories and they will never go. But I (and you) cannot hold onto something that is not there. And if it's meant to be he will reach out!!! Believe in that!

      I'm sorry, it is rubbish. It is hard. But you've got to do this. x

    • Thanks for mho. I hope you're doing well x

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What Girls Said 3

  • It doesn't sound like you ever broke up lol, you sound like you just don't like long distance relationships, which if you don't, move on.

  • it's hard. i agree. but he moved on. so should you... pay him back the same jealousy by having good friends and enjoying your life

  • He moved on with his life. That's what people do. Don't dwell on it anymore

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