I feel the need to be friends with a girl first before I would consider dating her, but it seems like this idea has pretty much no place in today's dating world. As a college student in my early twenties, I can't help but feel truly out of place.
In my experience, by the time I've known a girl long enough to say "ok, she's cool, we get along well and I could definitely see a future with her" she has met someone else. I don't like the idea of going on a date with someone I don't really know, and since I have no interest in casual sex there isn't a lot for me to get out of dating apps or anything like that.
If you have any advice on how to either find someone who is looking for the same thing, or if I need to just get over this, I would really appreciate any help you can offer.
Most Helpful Girl
The first thing is please tell me what you think a date is? How can you become friends with somebody if you don't hang out with them. So how are you going to be friends with a girl without hanging out with them which would be considered by most people some kind of a date. If you mean a formal date like dinner and a movie that I can see your point. On the other hand most girls in college don't need to be asked out on a formal date to consider it a date. If I could sum up my opinion of you I would say you too calculating. And that is not in a bad way necessarily. You seem to want every duck in a row before you ask somebody out. And you know what that is still okay. But start asking girls to hang out with them and not consider it a formal date like meeting for lunch in the student union.1
Most Helpful Guy
You must be clear with your intentions from the outset. If you find her attractive, say so and be open about your intent to date from square one. A date is just hanging out with a woman you find attractive and getting to know if you find her dateable. Dating within your friend circle only works if the other person is looking for the same thing. I have female friends like that, ones who had to know a guy as a friend for like two years before they maybe decide to date them. Notice I said "maybe" because sometimes friendship is just the better relationship. you have to be able to recognize when going out with your friend would just ruin everything you guys have and you run the risk of setting yourself up for failure by going the friends first approach. If you want to date someone, date them! Ask them out and the intention is clearly there but going out on date doesn't mean sex or even kiss, it's just a formal agreement between both parties involved "I find you appealing and I would like to know more about you, let's hang out" that's all a date is. I've gone out with wonderful women and had it not work out and we become best friends but I've never been best friends and become romantic with each other. So much pressure and expectation comes with the word "date" but in the end it's just hanging out but where intentions are made clear. Asking a woman out is saying "I want to get to know you and possibly pursue a relationship with you" if she says yes she's agreeing to that unspoken statement. And don't cop out and not use the word "date" don't ask to "hang out" or "chill" ask for a date. Worst case scenario you find out she's awful or she thinks you're awful and really who needs people in their life thinking you're awful? Slightly better scenario, you click and become buds and he'll maybe something opens up down the road because she knows you were at least once romantically interested and maybe getting to know you as a friend after the fact made her realize your potential as a mate. But that first step had to happen, date first, friends after, maybe date again later.0