How do I change the fact that I am scared of commitment?

I'm 18 years old, and I have never been in a relationship. I think it's because I'm afraid of commitment. My dad left before I was born, and all my life I have been questioning, "why would a married man leave his pregnant wife?" Anyway, my mom and other family members told me that he didn't want any kids, so he left. So I think that's the reason why I am afraid of commitment. It's probably every girl's dream to find and marry her true love, but with me, marriage scares me; just the idea of being with one person for more than a few months scares me, and I don't want to be scared anymore. Half of me wants to settle down (when I'm older) and get married, but the other half of me doesn't want what my dad did to my mom and I, happen to me. I don't know what to do?

Every year, all of the seniors get the same question that they have to answer and present to the class -Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? The vast majority of the people in my class answered, "settled down, married (maybe), kids (maybe)" and my answer was, "with a good paying job" I didn't even include anything about marriage, kids, or a family.


Most Helpful Girl

  • That's not necessarily a bad thing. Your negative experience may make you more guarded and you will find it hard to commit to someone, but at least it makes you acknowledge the fact that relationships don't always work out and nothing is ideal.
    If a guy is worth it, I am sure you will find it in your heart to give him a chance even though you're afraid.
    Good luck.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm in the same boat as you. My father left my mother before I was born. Now I have commitment issues because I'm afraid people will abandon me just like my father did. The difference between me and you is that I'm afraid I'll become my father and bail out/not be there for my child. That's my greatest fear, that they'd have to go through what I've been through. I guess at the end of the day, the best thing to do is to face your fears. Sure it may seem scary and tough but just think about what a happy life you could have if it all pans out. Just make sure that you find a guy that's head over heals for you and someone who'll be there for you through the thick and thin - no matter what happens (kid or no kid).

  • It's not bad to be concerned about that and face the truth in this fucked up world where people do stuff like that (Srry your dad had to be one of those jerks)
    I'd say to just loosen up and not care too much about it at this age
    If you are dating someone (serious relationship) you should have a good guess on what their plans are in the future and whether or not they are the right person for you. Don't be one of those idiots that gets engaged with your first bf/gf in college
    Best of luck 😎


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