I suffer from clinical depression. How can I date?

I'm a 30 year old male, who has been suffering from clinical depression since age 12. But I have been undergoing therapy, and am even off meds now and am able to carry on with my life, job etc. without too many issues.

But due to my illness, I suffered from low self esteem, and so have never had a girlfriend. Now though, I feel like I am managing my depression well enough, and no one would even know I suffer from a mental illness unless I tell them.

The problem is, I am so inexperienced with women that I am clueless about approaching them, get them interested in me etc. Also I do occasionally have 'bouts' of depression hit me hard, and this can throw the woman off-guard.

So how do I even seek women with my inexperience, and more importantly, how do I get them interested in me? Or should I only try to seek out women who suffer from depression themselves, which might make them more 'forgiving' of my inexperience and illness?

Anyone else?


Most Helpful Girl

  • First get your self together. Recognise signs of depression episode early to be prepared. I know you are already in a good place right now so you are good to go.

    Second starting relationship. Get chatty. Talk about your hobbies, what you do in life and get interested in other people lives. Take it easy and don't rush things.
    You can pursue women with depression but it won't be easy as both of you may need someone to take care of you at some point.

    If you recognise signs of an upcoming episode let your girl know. She has to know it's not about her. Not her fault. You are the same guy she met before.

    • Thank you!

      But will women even give me a chance, especially since I am too inexperienced, and I don't know where or how to approach them and talk to them. Women are an enigma to me.

    • Show All
    • Thanks for the encouraging words! Since I have personally never dated, and I always see men chasing women and women 'picking' the best among them, I thought men always need to compete with each other and woman selects whoever she deems the best.

      It's refreshing to know that it isn't a competition!

    • You are most welcome.
      There are no rules to dating really. If you look like fun women may approach you on their own.
      Pick on hints and smile a lot.
      Good luck!

Most Helpful Guy

  • You said that you were "off meds".
    Has the treating psychiatrist determined that you no longer require medication, or have you made this decision by yourself?
    If you have made the decision by yourself, that is a very, very bad idea.
    If you visit the US Food and Drug Administration medical trial database www.pubmed.com and search for 'omega 3 depression', or 'fish oil depression' you will find that there is strong clinical evidence that a dose of 8,000mg (or more) per day of fish oil will reduce the symptoms of mild to moderate depression considerably.
    I have severe depression combined with PTSD and I have found that fish oil helps that, too.
    Exercise. You need to be in shape to be attractive to a woman. A lot of exercise is also good for depression, because it causes the release of endorphins.
    My chosen exercise is Shotokan karate. As well as becoming fit, flexible and trim, it is also useful to know how to take care of yourself.
    To be successful with women, you need to have some social skills. Reading between the lines of your post, I suspect that you may be challenged in that area.
    Here is a reading list:
    1. How to win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie
    2. Skill with people, by Les Giblin
    3. People smart (multiple authors)
    4. Awaken the giant within, by Anthony Robbins
    5. The instant millionaire, by Mark Fisher. This book is not about making money, per se. It is about how the choices that we make in life are determined by our self esteem and how that process works.
    After you have read the first three books, begin to test the techniques you have learned on people that you meet.
    Social skill comes with practice.
    You might also need a makeover. I suggest that you use a stylist (gay guys are the best at this) to give you a new look (hair, wardrobe, the works).
    Once you have all that under control, then it will be time to put yourself in situations in which you will meet women.
    What sort of activities do you enjoy?
    Do not tell anyone about your depression issue. That is on a need to know basis and, unless you are in a serious relationship with her, she does not need to know.
    I would suggest that you stay away from bars and nightclubs. Those places are toxic and the women are usually pretentious bitches, who love to shred a man's self esteem. You are not in a psychological condition to deal with that sort of bitch.

    • Thank you so much, very wise words!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Your a walking dead man...

    • That was really helpful, thanks for reiterating that I am a worthless man not desired by anyone.

    • I'm sorry your a great strong man. :3

      My dad suffers depression too.

What Guys Said 2

  • You don't date. That's a terrible idea. You don't mate either. You're better off leaving everyone else out of your endless ruts.

  • Start with baby steps. Go to a gym talk to women there (just talk as friends) Join sports or something, just push yourself to do whatever it takes until you're comfortable talking to women. But first learn to be comfortable with yourself. Understand and believe that being depressed is completely normal and doesn't make you worth less than any other person

    • I don't even know what women want in a man. Most of my male friends who are 'normal', and have everything going for them still get rejected by women left and right. With my inexperience and depression, how can I even beat the competition from normal, experienced men to get the woman to see me as worthy?

    • What I want in a woman is not necessarily the same as you want in a woman. The same goes for them. They may not like your friends because of something that they lack but that doesn't mean that you doesn't have it either just because you're suffering from depression.