If a guy says he doesn't want to hurt my feelings what does it mean?

So this guy tells me he really likes me and wants to get to know me.
After that he didn't text for 4-5 days. I confronted him that he didn't have to lead me on.
He said he didn't and he was busy. I feel if you really like me, you wouldn't be that busy for that many days without a im so tired and busy. sorry ill get back to you later message. Anyways, I confronted him. He got super angry and defensive and called me irrational. He ignored me for two weeks and came back hoping i understand why space was needed. I asked him what he wanted because I didn't want my time wasted. friend or to get to know me? he didn't text back so i told him delete my number i already knew the answer. I was already hurt and just knew. He called me irrational again saying he was going to reply after his work.. ( it was 3am) Asked him if we can talk over the phone. He said sure. Next day he made up an excuse saying he's sick and can't go to a show. ( I had no idea what show he was talking about.) I felt mocked and disrespected so I told him to go to hell. After that he said he cared and he didn't want to hurt my feelings and told me goodbye. I told him goodbye and never heard from him again. Why say you like someone but you didn't mean it? Why say you didn't want to hurt my feelings, but you knew all along what you were doing? It's been 4 months and im still hurt over this. Granted we only talked for 2 months and met twice.. but I felt an emotional connection with him. We looked at the world the same way and we had similar family problems. This could be my own fault.. in the beginning he said he was talking to other girls including me. I said okay thats cool.. so was I with other guys.. we werent exclusive. But if that was the case.. why say all the mushy stuff? I've never cried over a guy... I guess I really liked him and he broke my heart. But for next time.. how can I know and what to do in situations like this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It mean he don't want to hurt your feeling. LULZ.

    Not everything revolve around you. Yes he like you, but maybe he's really are busy. There a lot of thing going around in his world. So let me pretend to be in his shoes, and give you what I think is what he feel about the whole thing , from the top :

    You got pissed cuz he didn't give you attention for a week, so of course he angry and call you irrational. He might like you, but you ain't the only shit he have to worry about. As this point, you are just another problem he have to deal with. One more problem adding to his mountain of problem that life give to everyone daily.

    After two week, he finally calm down and got over it, and so he tried to talk to you again. And then of course you give him another bitchy comment and attitude after he didn't text you back soon enough. I get it, you want him to show you that he care, but at this point, he probably getting sick of you.

    The final event, after you told him to "go to hell", he probably decide that it is over. He told you he didn't really meant to hurt your feeling, not intentional, and told you goodbye.

    I'm sure he really did meant it when he told you he liked you and want to get to know you better. But you're too quick to jump the gun and get mad at him. Do you have a problem with men leading you on in the past? You seem very insecure. He probably stop liking you and lost interest down the line because of it.

    • I understand. I apologized to him constantly for being a pain when he was busy. He lives in a different city and I drove to see him. My fault. I guess I should've waited until he could do so. I think I did most of the courting before hand. I really do understand someone being busy. When we were talking/face timing before meeting up, he didn't talk to me for 1 week or more at times. I just believe if you really want to get to know someone and like someone, then you will try no matter what. I understand not talking for 1-2 days but 1 week is excessive. I did text him on a day he was busy and I didn't know and he did reply fast but then stopped. So I assumed he really was busy and left it. But then he didn't reply again for another 2 days so I knew something was up. I tried looking at it from a guys perspective. Clinginess is so annoying and unnecessary but that's not what I was looking for. I was involved with someone else for 3 years that lead me on emotionally as well.

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    • Hm.. I am insecure yes. I do have some anger issues but I work on them. I told him that before hand as well.

    • Yeah... What done is done. For now, I suggest you work on yourself some more. If you're 22, then you still got plenty of time to find another great guy.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It means he doesn't want to hurt your feelings because he has none. I had this exact same situation few months ago and hell yeah it was confusing! I was never led on before and I honestly never crushed on someone so fast the way I did for this guy. I give way too many chances and benefits of the doubt. And here I thought that my 4 year long relationship with my ex and the most painful breakup ever had taught me something. Nope. I fell into the same trap again. But luckily, this time I got out of it fast enough.
    To make it short, he said he wants to take things slow and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. After that he started texting less, calling less, being less available, but would always make sure to be a prince charming when he does reach out. I got bored of it all and I wasn't reaching out anymore. He wasn't either, like maybe once in 2, 3 weeks would text me something stupid. Then he completely stopped and that's it. Later I found out he was seeing someone else all along. I'm over him now but I still find it hard sometimes to brush off that awful experience, gives me trust issues. But yeah, why I learned and what I will def. use from now on is: red flags are dealbreakers. Goodbye. The end.

    • by the way I realized that the reason I was so stuck on him is because I had a simple life. A steady job, few friends, lot's of free time, living by myself... it was kinda boring and I was lonely, I needed some progress, some goal in my life. So after that guy I started going to the gym. My new goal was to get fit as fuck and to live healthy. So far so good, I'm already hooked up to gym, my body is getting nicely shaped I love it! But most of all, I met new cool people there and lots of hot guys. ^^ So yeah, I suggest you focus on something else, that way you'll kick him out of your mind and you won't really care about dating.

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    • Did we meet the same guy? Lol. Because he did the exact same thing. Instead he said I was irrational and assuming. I'm not stupid dude. Like really? You might be able to do that to other girls but not me. Yeah online dating has weirdos on it with too much baggage. Never stopping to online dating EVER again. Yeah, I need to be more assertive. I'm wayyyy to nice to guys. Whatever they say I do. Or like I'll wait around for them. Next guy has to fight for me. I'm not making it easy on them. Yay! Can't wait until you meet your one. Stay strong in this world and new era of guys. They're something. It's hard to find them these days.

    • I should've known when I asked him if his intentions were good and he laughed. Should've been my flag there.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Just distrust all men. That way you will never be hurt again.

  • Only love teaches love, someone said.

    By experience, you'll learn how to navigate relationships better.
    The basic tactic is to flee when the first sign of lack of interests shows.

    • indeed. he was very similar to the first person i was with. I don't know why I couldn't catch it fast enough. :/ lessons learned but a bruised heart

    • :)) If I were to quote that song fully I would have said: "Love teaches, but it never allows itself to be learned fully."

      Unless you shut your heart thight, there's always chance for heart break.

    • Oh feelings and love. I don't like it. aha.
      I'd rather watch it on the big screen than experience it. x)

What Girls Said 1

  • He was Mr. Unavailable but u wanted to believe in a fairytake ending, thats why u are so hurt. He was not that prince u hoped for. Guys say a lot of stuff they dont mean. You always have to look at their actions.

    • He was a deceitful prince then. Up until after meeting, he followed his actions 100%. After we hung out he stopped. Could be the connection wasn't right. I have to admit it didn't click either with me, but im too nice and i try to make things work. I tried leaving twice and telling him to leave me alone when arguing but he kept calling me irrational and kept talking to me. Sucks that he wasn't my prince but i'll keep looking I guess. But he definitely left a bruise and mark. It's hard for me to get back out there and meet/trust other people now. I'm too scared.

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    • Before you find your prince ur gonna have to kiss many frogs.

    • Good thing I didn't kiss this frog.

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