I lost a friend because we tried dating, but I think she was using me...have I been played like a violin?

This girl and I, whom I shall call Sunshine to keep her identity safe, have been friends for four years. We met in a summer orientation program when we started college together. I'm an actor, she's a singer, and we got along very well. Two years into our friendship, we decided to date.

It went well. But I noticed things, in retrospect, that were off. She didn't like calling me her "boyfriend", and she insisted that she didn't like "labels". I went along with it, thinking it was a quirk...but then didn't let me have pictures of her, all while having confidence issues.

I planned a trip with her, which she was excited about, but then a day later had me cancel (including the reservations I had made) , and a few days after that told me via text message that it wasn't working for her. We got together, talked, and she said that it wasn't that I was doing anything wrong. It was, as she put it, because "she wasn't ready". She said she wanted to wait a few years, get her career going. I told her I wanted to remain friends: but she avoided me for a few weeks.

We didn't talk for a while--I tried, but I didn't want to push it. Finally, she said that she wanted to try again. I took her to an opera (which she loves), but then she broke it off a few weeks later. She and I spoke sparingly, and I tried to mend the friendship. Again, she said that she wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone, but maintained that she saw me in her future, wanted to be friends, and I said "okay."

Then, the other day, she told me that hanging out would be awkward, given that she now 'has a boyfriend". I was stunned...she refused to ever call me her boyfriend, preached how she wasn't ready for a few years, then proceeds to do the exact opposite with some other guy whom she has known for a much less time span than me...

I'm confused and deeply hurt by this, because I feel lied to...

she did a lot of flip flopping when we were together...but I never saw the red flags..

I mean...did she seriously play me and abuse my trust? Or am I just bitter and angry that she found someone (apparently) better than me?


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What Girls Said 2

  • he's not better than you. he's just what she wanted. and that's okay because she's not what you wanted. you want someone honest and true right? you'll find someone better

  • Just another opportunist waiting for a guy with money, most likely. Chalk it up to experience and move on.


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