How do I encourage him to touch me more?

I've recently started seeing/dating this friend of mine, but we are not official yet. He is a shy guy and is probably not very experienced. He seems very into me, but I wish he would feel more comfortable touching me in general, like laying his hand on my thigh at a restaurant, touching the small of my back when walking me somewhere, grabbing my butt and thighs when making out, etc. How do I get him to do this? I've already tried moving his hand when we're kissing and saying "hmmm I like this" when he does it right, but he still doesn't seem nearly as comfortable as other guys I've been with. I'm 20 and he's 21.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he is just shy nervous and inexperienced. He might not have broken through the mental touch barrier yet. a lot of guys are not really touchy because were told so often to keep our hands to ourselves. Try touching him more, leaving your hands on him in places that it is acceptable to be touched and keep encouraging him. He will get there with encouragement. Keep at him he sounds like a keeper. I wish you two luck.

    • Thank you! I guess I will keep being touchy myself and encouraging him. It has to come to him at some point.

    • Yup it will. The problem is that he is learning new behavior. Or relearning how to treat you.

    • Thanks for hmo

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What Guys Said 2

  • Is he a virgin? If so, losing that should make him a lot more comfortable. It's hard for a guy to learn to be comfortable touching a girl until after having sex with someone.

    • I was very shy like this when I was younger. My first girlfriend had to initiate everything, even sex, and I was even trying to back out in order to try to appear like a gentleman. After sex, it unleashed the monster in me. I started getting really frisky all the time, always wanting to grab breasts, butts, thighs, snuggle and cuddle.

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    • Yeah, tricky! Us shy guys often can't muster the courage to properly seduce women a woman until we lose that pesky virginity (in my case, it really did seem like it transformed my entire character the moment it happened), but our odds of losing it are very poor until we learn how to do it.

    • It might help though to just know that he should be capable of doing it if he just kind of breaks out of his shell.

  • He may just be nervous, especially if he's inexperienced. I can offer wisdom on this, because as someone who's never been intimate with a woman, I'd be hesitant to try anything like boob or butt caressing unless she made it obvious she wanted it. You may need to simply flat out tell him what you want him to do.

    • I guess I will try being as forward as possible, but couldn't that intimidate him?
      And also, what is it that makes you hesitant? Her feeling it's too invasive, or you not being able to do it right?

    • It's mainly a mental blockage. Because we're inexperienced, we don't know how a woman will react, and we wonder if we attempt to touch her boobs or butt, and she doesn't want you to, then she may avoid you altogether, so it makes us hesitant.
      Also, if it were me, I wouldn't want you to simply tell me bluntly what you want; once I realized you wanted to be touched, I'd like to do some exploring for myself. I only said you may need to tell him because he may not know. I've seen it before where it was painfully obvious a girl wanted a guy, and he just couldn't see the signs.

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