Am I in an abusive relationship?

I don't really want to talk about this with anyone in real life because they'll think badly of me and my mom is already against the idea of dating this guy. Basically, last week my boyfriend broke up with me for being too clingy and he lost interest in our relationship but he said he'll give me a chance if i change that. He was clingy too at the beginning to be honest. He brought it out of nowhere so I was taken back, and I kind of distanced myself to get my mind off it because I couldn't stop crying. I went to his birthday because I still loved him, he kissed and hugged me in stuff. He took his hat and covered my face, and kept glaring at me when I was talking to other people.

He wanted to get back together because apparently I wasn't clingy and he told me that I wasn't allowed to have guy friends, even though he has tons of female friends.
So after that the next time we met up, he accused me of cheating on him because I didn't crave sex like usual (I wasn't in the mood because of what happened). He told me that I'm his possession and my soul belonged to him, but he didn't belong to anyone.

He told me that it was a joke when he said he wanted to break up with me, and that made me lose trust in him because he was playing mind games. I called him out about being emotionally abusive and playing with my feelings, and he said it was because I was 'brain dead' and 'stupid'. After meeting up a few times, it was all good again but recently he has been calling me names like bitch, hoe, and skank. I told him to mind his burping and he said "fuck you!"

I mean he does nice things like feeding me, kissing me, holding my hands, carrying me around, and checks to see if i'm home safe. It feels like we're really close but at the same time, it feels like he's emotionally detached and he's not serious about me because he avoids talking about feelings and when i confront him, he says "you want to break up?"

I like him, but I feel like I'm being manipulated and played around with.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just from reading the title - ignoring all the text afterwards - would prompt a "yes" to that question. People who aren't in an abusive relationship wouldn't think of asking that question.

    It would be like asking, "do you think I'm an alcoholic"/


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes you are. Very common signs of abuse are:
    - Controlling behavior, such as telling you what to wear, what to do, who you're allowed to be with, and more importantly, who you're NOT allowed to be with. These rules don't apply to them of course, they're free to do whatever they want. This is something your boyfriend has done.
    - Namecalling and antagonistic behavior. I don't think I have to elaborate on that.
    - Brushing off everything they do "as a joke", questioning your emotions and reactions, making you feel stupid for being upset, blaming you for feeling upset etc.
    - Accusing you of doing things you haven't done, in order to gain dominance and control over you, forcing you to apologize for things you haven't done, picking unnecessary fights, blaming everything on you in order to chip away at your confidence etc.
    - Threatening to break up whenever you question them, again in order to gain dominance and control.

    All of these things are things he has done. So yes, he's very abusive. Leave him.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Yes you are in an abusive controlling relationship. The longer you stay the worse it will get leave him

  • Yeah it looks you draw the correct conclusion alright...


What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!