What to do with and why girlfriend (specifically drunk) snooping over phone?

**important to note i do not drink alcohol, for religious reasons.
I caught my German 8 month drunk girlfriend going over my phone. for me this is huge red flag. and something i cannot ignore. in fact i think she has been doing it for a while i just caught her when she was clumsy. then again i could be wrong. it just hurts a lot given everything i've done for her birthday last week, she actually thinks i am being untrustworthy. i'm confused, we are both 25 years old but her actions when she is drunk are at this point inexcusable. Why did she do it if i have been 100% real with her? How do I deal with this?(in the past either this became a habit/trust got worse/breakup). Do i just forget about it cause she was drunk? Could she be projecting on to me her own guilt?(in that she is talking to other guys so she expects that i am doing the same?) Im getting a bit paranoid and anxious about this relationship. Any input would highly be appreciated.


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What Girls Said 2

  • i'd talk to her about it; drunk words (or actions) are sober thoughts, and you need to find out why.

    1) you say you've been together for 8 months. do you know anything about her past? if an ex cheated on her, or her parents separated due to infidelity, then her fear is justified (although she should seek professional help for her issues).

    2) have you ever done anything that could be misinterpreted as disloyal? it could be something small (she catches you checking out another girl in front of her) or big (a too-long hug with a female friend). but, even if it was insignificant to you, it may have affected her.

    3) she's not happy with herself. maybe she's gained weight, is depressed, or something else entirely, and she's waiting for you to tell her that you've dropped her for someone thinner/prettier/etc.

    either way, talk to her. let her know what she did, and ask her why; if she doesn't remember doing it, don't push the point~ just assure her that you are loyal and that she can always talk through her insecurities with you.

    • thank you. we talked it over. she said it had something to do with her getting jealous because her friends were bragging to each other about me. in the end it was her lack of trust of her best friend who has tendency to sleep with other girls' boyfriends. i still feel this isn't something to ignore. and simply brush off as she is being insecure.

    • i agree~ now that you have that piece of the puzzle, don't ignore it. she definitely needs professional help to deal with her issues, and you can definitely encourage her to seek it out.

  • She probably has trust issues. Doing something like that is her way of feeling reassured. Maybe your actions or words aren't enough for her and she feels the need to reassure herself some more. She could also be interested in knowing who you talk to. She could just be extremely nosy.

    She could be doing soemthing she's probably not suppose to when she's been talking to other guys.

    No communication and having trust issues is a relationship heading for disaster.


What Guys Said 1