Help! My girlfriend is scared of everything, how do I work her through it?

I recently got into a relationship with an absolutely stunning girl, after some convincing that no, I wouldn't end up not liking her and dump her. She is pretty scared of almost everything, especially sudden movements and loud noises. She flinches if I move too quickly and then apologizes profusely. It takes quite a bit of reassuring her that she's okay to get her to calm down even a little bit. Once when I reached over to push a piece of her hair out of her eyes, she about jumped out of her skin. She started the apologizing again, and she was tense and uneasy for a while after that.
When we sleep in the bed together, she will start whimpering in the middle of the night, and if I try to hold her, she gets tense before she finally calms down. Once in a while when she is dead tired, she will let me hold her and be completely relaxed, and I love it when I can finally see her comfortable. Sometimes if she falls asleep facing me and I'm still holding her, she will wake up, panic, and gasp "can't breathe!" and jerk to the other side of the bed.
She keeps telling me she's afraid I'm going to think she's ugly, stupid, fat, gross, etc. No matter how much I tell her I don't and won't think any of that, she is still a little distant.
The worst part was once when I heard her walk into the room behind me and I turned around and she shielded herself with her hands. Then she apologized and I had to hold her for a bit.
She also is very afraid of life in general and trying new things, and she expresses a fear of the future and the unknown. At the same time, she will not tell me much about her past.
All of this aside, she is very loving and sweet, and I would love to help her work through this in any way I possibly can. What should I do to help her? I hate seeing her this way.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • First you have to get her to open up about her past and find out what caused her to be like this. This is not normal girl behaviour. Once she tells you everything, I think she will finally realize that despite you knowing the truth, you're still with her and like her. I don't think you can do anything other than that for her. You can try talking to her friends, family or anyone she's close to to begin with. Don't push her to tell everything all at once. Depends on how much you know her start asking her about her childhood, her friends, old school, past relationships. Slowly day by day.

    • Thanks, I think I'll try that.

  • It sounds like your girlfriend has a past of some pretty severe abuse. This won't go away overnight, and she may always be a little affected by it.
    I agree with the previous opinion, all you can really do is be there for her and try to figure out the root of her behavior by asking her about small details of her past, little by little.
    As someone who has some baggage myself (although not to this extent), there are some oddities in my behavior too, and I opened up about the past events leading up to those when I felt comfortable and ready to do so. I think she will probably do the same. If you are just recently in the relationship as you said, this could take a while, as she may take a while to form trust for you in order to do it.


What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!