How internally consistent are my expectations for a potential partner?

I was trying to figure out what I want in a partner/girlfriend, so here's a list. I don't care how realistic it is to find someone like this, just tell me if I'm contradicting myself.

Necessary traits for long-term compatibility:
- Attractive to me, obviously
- Doesn't want kids, especially not biological ones
- "Libertarian" enough to be against drug prohibition, income tax, etc. and wouldn't trust the police
- Making an effort to be mentally healthy and changing their life when something isn't working (not a drug addict, not constantly suicidal/self-deprecating, etc.)
- Independent person, wants a relationship where partners are equal and both capable of supporting themselves (i. e. doesn't want "power dynamics")
- Not racist/homophobe/hateful (kinda goes without saying but yeah)

Highly preferred traits but not 100% necessary:
- Wants a relationship type where we are each others' primary partner but "allowed" to do casual dating/making out/hookups with other people. So an open relationship but with long-term dedicated attachment to each other.
- Making some effort to be physically active and healthy (this would probably go without saying if they are attractive, but who knows)
- Not too obsessed with nerd stuff like video games, comics, and anime. A little bit is okay, but spending all their free time on it isn't good.
- Vegan/vegetarian
- Not at all religious
- Into psychedelics and exploring / talking about metaphysics and the nature of consciousness
- Interesting music taste with some overlap between us
- Artist / creative type who actively creates things
- Has vitality and wants to actually do things with their life
- Relatively calm and introverted personality type (Like any introverted intuitive mbti type)

Slightly preferred traits:
- Anti-marriage
- Not into dogs
- Likes to go hiking and climbing mountains
- More into phlosophy than science
- High libido, sexually open-minded, and into kink but without power dynamics

lmao why was my question selected as "great" by gag?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You will be forever alone

    • Why? I've only been single for a year, I'm sure it won't take me forever to find someone else

    • Well if you know what you want in a girl and you're able to get it, then why ask the question? There's nothing wrong with having some standards and likes but when it becomes a long list, makes it a little bit unrealistic. I would stop at necessary traits , accept the rest if I like the person and/or try to work together towards other traits once in a relationship, which would have become common goals hopefully.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • I don't think you're going to find too many women around your age that are put off by the idea marriage and having kids. Eventually that call of nature gets too strong to ignore if you're thinking long-term relationship. At a certain point we start thinking about the future and that includes both of those things. The rest seems fine.

    • Haha maybe, I personally have been uninterested for 8 years and have not reconsidered at all, but maybe I will reconsider in 10 years from now, who knows...

    • Priorities change with age :) Ten years ago I despised children so much I hated being in the same room with them. These days I want two of my own.

    • You're right, in many ways I am a different person than I was 5 years ago. Can't predict the future though...

  • Yea none of them are outright contradictory. All good.

  • Yeah sorry but people don't come in lists..
    There'll probably be people who fit all those characteristics but if you don't open up to that reality you'll have a damn hard time.

  • Woah, maybe you can ask for her in heaven.

  • Good list hope u find it.

  • Well... they aren't contradictory at least. :/
    You have some interesting points and maybe it would be nice to keep an open-mind?
    I personally don't have a list even though I have preferences because I see people as a whole packet, not by every single detail.
    If I was analysing every guy's physical appearance and personality, I would be forever alone.

  • I think that sounds fine. I am not into psychedelics but looooove talking about metaphysics and the nature of consciousness everything thing really. It's my favorite way to spend the weekend, staying up late and talking about the bigger picture and how things work and how we fit into it and moral and ethic dilemmas. I am a huge reader and philosophical junky! I am INTP. An Athiest. I love to hike, go rock climbing, white water raft, climb trees, long distance run, do obstacle courses. Also not into dogs, creative, always learning and striving. I am a vegetarian. I am not into video games. I am good with him kissing other people, I don't feel like that stuff has to be all that deep, sometimes there is a thrill there. I'm very open minded and have a high sex drive.

    I am very Liberal. I am for taxes. I am a minimalist who enjoys the journey of life rather then the destination. I do a lot of community service and volunteering. I am in school. I am happily married and have 2 kids and would love to adopt older kids once our kids are a bit older.

    I feel like you could find someone who fits most if not all of that... stay strong :D

    • Hmm being pro-taxes is hard to get past haha. But yeah I'm INTP too. I don't need someone to fit *all* of it, just a good portion. But thanks :)

  • In the real world, lists don't do shit.

    • They help people mentally organize their priorities which is the point of this :P

    • I don't think so because you're going to fall for who you fall for. Chemistry and connection can't be written down on paper.

  • Have fun.. too many rules for me lol


What Guys Said 3

  • good luck

  • Your expectations are as consistent as British weather patterns.

  • Seems consistent to me.

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