Guys, what would make you want a girl as your girlfriend as opposed to just a friends with benefits and even want to commit to her?

I was in a dead-end 'relationship' with a guy who did not want a relationship in the first place, a solitary gypsy allergic to attachment, but because we had such a good time when we would hang out (great conversations, cycling together, going to cafes, watching movies...) and passionate sex, I thought that he might eventually change his mind, but I was wrong. I felt a great connection and we have a lot in common, but I guess I needed him more than he wanted me. He started becoming distant, communicating less, disappearing on me, coming back once in a while. I think he did not want me to get too attached to him. He is not relationship material, and since I grew up with an emotionally unavailable father and dated the same type of guys, I'd like to break that pattern. If I do meet a guy willing to put in some effort in a relationship, be consistent and be there for me, what would make him want to be in a LTR, not just fwb?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like he wasn't looking for a girlfriend in general in your first two lines. Thats all there is to it.

    For me it would generally be personality.

    • I guess that's it. He did not want a rel., though I thoughts he could change his mind. I have the personality. We could hang out together for hours, have great conversations, do activities together, etc. Why would you want to have a girlfriend as opposed to a friends with benefits. What are the benefits and why would you be ready for that? What needs to happen in your life b4 you get to that point? What is missing with your fwb's?

What Girls Said 1

  • What you SHOULD do, is take what you already have -- an awesome sexual relationship -- and build on it.
    Basically, the problem is that the word "commitment" is fraught with all these horrible negative associations, for certain people -- usually, people who've seen relationships (their own and/or those of people close to them) end in disaster. Yr goal, here, is to drown out *those* associations -- with better, hotter, sexier ones.

    Start looking him in the eyes more when you are fucking.

    Start kissing him more during sex.

    When he finishes inside you, make sure there is eye contact EVERY time.
    Start putting yr hand behind his head and telling him, "I'm yours" at the moment when he finishes.

    Then, start doing that and pulling his face into yours for a deep kiss while he's still cumming. That way he'll start associating his orgasm and release with your kiss and your devotion.

    Then, start adding layers to yr interaction.
    When you take him to bed, right before he's inside you, look him deep in the eyes and say, "Make love to me."

    Then start throwing out words like that *before* you're in the bed. Start putting them into text messages, and flirting, and just playing around during the day. "I can't wait to make love later." Etc.

    Then just start using the word girlfriend -- but start using it with the delicious, loaded words. Take him by the hand to the bedroom and say, "Come fuck yr nasty girlfriend, right now." That's how you start it.

    The secret is, every time you step up the level of "relationship" or "commitment", just do it in the context of hot nasty sex, and he'll LOVE it. Oh yeah he will.

    Once you've done all those steps... Get dressed up in some nice lingerie, take some selfies, and send him one, with a message like, "Baby I need you to come slam yr commitment deep inside me... nice and hard" -- and you'll have yourself a boyfriend who suddenly finds the idea of commitment awfully sexy.

    Just do it in baby steps.

    Same ideas have kept my marriage hot for 15 years.

    • I did all this but he often responded in a cold way, avoiding to get attached at all costs, even after the best times together and most passionate sex and hot messages. He's a lost case, as a guy put it.

    • Well, some things ain't meant to be. If you gave it yr best, you gave it yr best.

      Take the good from it, and move on.