Actual Problem (please take seriously) I'm interested in lanky nerdy men, but they never take me seriously because I'm "too gorgeous" (their words)?

I'm extremely introverted, and because I used to have terrible acne for years, my confidence is not that high. So, once the acne disappeared, I actually became quite attractive and suddenly in a year, I went from not getting asked out to having men asking me out often. But I'm so socially awkward lol😅 Luckily online I don't appear that way (which is what I use often to meet guys).

I'm always a sucker for those quiet shy guys, the one that is awkward and is into reading or music heavily. I like lanky, nerdy men tbh. The thing is, I have way more luck with guys who are players and macho men. I've had numerous shyer guys this summer tell me that we will eventually meet or go out (I use the Internet to talk to men a lot since I am introverted and shy) but then they seriously tell me they are super nervous to do so yet. I've had a guy ask if I actually wanted to "still go out or nah", and I was like of course, and he was all gung ho too, but then he never reached out to me for it to happen. My friend who knows him says it's because he was really intimidated so he convinced himself I didn't actually want to go out. But I was the one who initiated it so I don't understand?
Another guy told me I was way more attractive than him and he didn't know what my intentions were and so nothing happened between us.
Another guy has told me repeatedly he's so nervous but it'll eventually happen because he doesn't want to miss his chance. Wtf?
I feel limited because of my looks because men that I'm genuinely interested in usually aren't muscular or beautiful but are usually lanky nerdy men, yet i feel like they don't take me seriously because I'm well, attractive. What can I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Its not that you are too attractive, its that they have bad social anxiety. It is nothing about you its that their social skills are underdeveloped. You need to be patient with them, while pushing them to socialize a little more.

    Using the internet is a good starting point, but you need to take it to the next level or they will never be able to overcome their anxiety. Just hang out. You are introverted as are they so just start by staying in, maybe watch a documentary or something. Meet regularly for coffee. If you don't then nothing will happen. You need to push them a little to meet IRL frequently. Even if its a group thing. For instance you like nerdy stuff? Maybe you two and possibly some friends want to go to a comic book type convention together. Maybe you both like amature photography. Maybe you just like reading go to a library/bookstore/coffee house.

    The key is taking it from the internet to the next step, which is RL hangouts, even if its with other people (you can then move to more intimate ones).

    • I do suggest to hang out and they don't go for it. They agree and then it never happens

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    • True. Ookay I'll go ^.^ I'm already nervous but why not. Wish me luckk

Most Helpful Girl

  • I can relate to this! I just never acknowledge looks/social standings and focus more on common ground. Whenever it’s brought up I just steer it to a different subject. Sometimes you have to kind of force it alittle bit and reassure them that you truly are interested in them. One time I went after someone who kept denying my liking to him because of looks I went around telling people I genuinely liked him and gave him a picture I painted when I thought about him one night as a gesture that my intentions were good lol


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What Guys Said 3

  • Get to talk about yourself , it will break the you are too attractive thing

    • I never talk about myself really :/ I mean on here I do bc I feel like it's essential... But in RL I never talk about myself... If I talk at all lmao

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    • What do you mean by cold?

    • Not playful not funny , not emotional

  • quit being awkward and start being forward about what you want with a guy and your feelings, and 1 rule with shy guys, never ever be distant with them, as a shy guy i can tell you when girls slow down and dont seem interested, i'm not going to do anything, but move on. and quit thinking guys have to do everything because it doesn't work that way. thats why you have luck with players because you think that. and girls make that same mistake expecting and thinking that.

    • But don't guys get it if I straight up ask "want to go out sometime" or "do you want to hang out ___"? I don't get how I could be more clear besides adding I want to get to know them as a person with no other intentions or whatever

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    • So I shouldn't be so discouraged? Should I keep hopeful and open to seeing him?

    • yes, dont give up so easy, maybe you can try to contact him.

  • You are just gonna have to take the initiative because the nerds you are longing for ain't gonna do anything.

    • But I do take initiative and then they seem interested but then not. Like when push comes to shove they never go out or meet me

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