Determining if a guy is being genuine?

I do not have extensive experience dating. The thing is I don't fall for every guy I date, there have only been 2 and I pretty much got played in both situations. Both these guys seemed to genuinely care about me and soon as I got emotionally involved, the rug was pulled from under me. Sex was not a factor in these situations. My 1st love just lost interest, but the recent guy I was seeing left me confused. Extremely caring until he moved away, the long distance and making us exclusive was his idea. What happened? How can I not fall fast? If a guy isn't interested I pick up on that and usually there is no 2nd date. How do make sure he is going to follow through?


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What Guys Said 1

  • So to summarize as it's a little all over the page your question is how not to fall/get emotionally attached right? Then there is the second question about how you make sure he is going to follow through, do you mean follow through with reciprocating your emotions.

    Ok to answer how NOT to get emotionally attached quickly you can't, it's who you are and only time will change that (not very much either mind you). If that's who you are then you need to simply date and until you feel that he is reciprocating (not just genuinely care) with indication of commitment (long term) then treat it as a 'prospect'. It's hard as I am similar, but the truth is most guys if they are 'genuinely' into you and want a relationship it won't take long to know that, as they will almost state it. So with those guys I would invest my time if I were you, otherwise they are just playing you until they find something better, you're a placeholder for the next girl, don't waste your time no matter how much you like them as they are not serious so why invest your emotions.

    To answer what I believe is your second question in how you make sure he's going to follow through is his actions, actions ALWAYS speak louder than words, ALWAYS! If he invests, you invest, it's a dance, until that happens make sure you both are contributing to get to know one another.

    Here's the thing though, DON'T be a person who dumps your emotional baggage on any guy, he's not your girlfriend or emotional tampon, if you want him to be your partner then be interested in him as well. Share each other's lives and discover each other, that builds 'pair bonding' which is the foundation of a relationship, any relationship. As time proceeds the bond will become stronger. Let him indicate how he feels about you and if you feel something for him DON'T play games tell him you feel something for him. But be reserved about it, not games, but say you 'can see this going somewhere' then indicate you can possibly see being exclusive. Then ask him what HE IS THINKING/FEELING as this is vital. The last thing guys want nowadays is to feel controlled or just a prop in your state called life. Make him genuinely a part of his life, hide nothing, be honest, truthful, loyal & DON'T ever play games or watch him disappear, also tell him you don't like games either right at the start.

    Other than that, take your time, that's the key, relationships are not lust based (not the good ones anyways - been there done that too many times. GL!

    • Actually the last guy I dated, dumped his emotional baggage on me. He told me he cared about me, but was confused and scared about falling in love w/me (he had a rough relationship w/an ex). I would never dump that baggage on a new guy cause that's not fair to them, they haven't done anything wrong and I can't hold them accountable for what my ex did to me.

    • Ok fair enough, then those guys are NOT ready for a serious relationship yet, they still have things to work out and at best he is emotionally dependant. Take your time with him if you really like him or tell him that until he is over his ex that you can't date him seriously even though you like him. It will never end well. Or say that you will listen to it but you'd rather discuss you and him, not his past, as it's the past and nothing can change it, if he likes you then to focus on the future. That's about it.

    • Actually after some pressure from me, it came out that he just wanted to alone for now. We are "friends", though I haven't heard from in almost 2 weeks. I have NC since that convo and deleted his contact info. I am starting to date other guys because I refuse to wait around just to be on a string. We agreed not see to others, but from the silence I feel like I'll be waiting forever. Plus if he truly wanted me, we wouldn't go from being exclusive to "friends".

What Girls Said 1

  • Well the thing is, you can't control other people and their emotions. All you can do is analyze their behavior and go from there. Also don't be afraid of letting yourself fall for other people if you feel they're being genuine. Being afraid will only give you trust issues. It's ok to be cautious, but not afraid.

    • The thing is by the time I notice their real behavior I am already starting to care for them. I don't stay if I'm mistreated, but it hurts like heck when that sweet guy who charmed you leaves you out in the cold to fend for yourself.

    • Nothing you can do about that, really. Relationships are a gamble. You have to learn how to pick yourself up again.

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