First boyfriend.. Should I stay or should I go?

So actually I mostly want to hear your stories about your first relationship

I'm 19 yo and have had my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is great, treats me well and we always figure things out and talk well with eachother
But... I'm not sure I'd like to be with him forever, though he is completely sure
And I'm kind of scared because he is so sure. I'd like to just enjoy the moment, but the fact that I know he would like the relationship to last forever and have kids and stuff like that scares the shit out of me. We have talked about it, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm almost raised to be curious and indeed also with men

One thing that also makes me think about breaking up, is that he's not really that adventurous, but I'm the kind person who would travel the whole world if it's possible
I'm afraid I'll end up "setteling down" with the first and easiest
Though, I love him and I want to be with him now, I can't stop thinking if it's really just making the unavoidable break up worse

So, are you in your first relationship and do you think one should be and lastly do you think I should?

Thanks for any help!

Also do you think anyone should ever stay in their first relationship? Would you be too unexperined?
Would anyone end up thinking," man how would it have been if this hadn't been my first and last relationship "


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's hard to give you an advice on this because no matter what we say you will keep wondering. The good thing is that you are young so whatever you decide will play out good.

    When you meet more people you soon realize that good ones (or keepers) are really rare and my advice would be if your guy is really good not to dump him. But again this won't stop you from wondering, so it's better if you dump him now than you drag him for months or years...

    • Well that's my exact thoughts XD

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    • It's not the same, it's much more damage to the other person. I'm mad that my ex dragged this for that long, because the sooner it would be over the sooner I'd feel better.

      You have me confused here, your feelings are getting "really deep" but you are thinking about leaving him?

      No, my first relationship was when I was 14 years old, we were kids and we werent really compatible. But if my relationship was when I was a bit older and with somebody like my ex, then I wouldn't mind being in it for life... But I probably wouldn't understand what I have.

    • I mean his feelings are getting stronger and so and therefore I should break up as soon as possible, if that's really what I want

Most Helpful Girl

  • In my 2nd (3rd if you count the internet one and 4th if you count my childhood one), and am experiencing a similar thing -

    I have been with my boyfriend 9 months, still like him, he's sweet, he tries to fix it If there's a problem, we seem to get on well and he talks about wanting to marry me when we're older, and says that I am his one true love and he has a feeling I might be the one.

    Don't get me wrong, I like him too. I really like him. It's just that I don't yet get the feeling that HE'S the one or that I want to marry him. All I know is I just really like him and want our relationship to work out though I do get my doubts sometimes and we might have to make a few changes.

    I was recently wondering if I was just pro-longing breaking up with him too, and the thought of marrying him or us being together forever scares me in case I regret it and then when I break up I've wasted more time and made it even more upsetting for him.

    I'm trying to work out just what I'd like from the relationship more though and discuss with him it's bothering me that he doesn't do this or that. I recently spoke about going out more since we tend to stay in each others rooms a lot and I'd like to go out and do something fun with him whereas isn't as into the outdoors as much.

    I've also spoken to him about Skyping/fb calling more like we used to when we were friends and he called me on fb a little later that day and called me on there earlier too.

    I have spoke about him holding my hand more when we are out and just being more open about our relationship on fb too rather than worry about his friends winding him up if he posts a pic of us together, since it upsets me that the only reason he won't is basically his friends might play him up. It upsets me because I have a trust issues and I'd like him to care more about me than what some silly boys think.

    He hasn't done anything like that yet though (making it more obvious on fb), I just want to see if he'd do it really since it kind of shows loyalty to me. It may sound silly but I just find it embarrassing talking about my boyfriend all the time and he rarely likes/comments my stuff, never posts pics of us together, never writes on my wall and only tags me in stuff like funny pics/videos rather than anything romantic.

    Despite the doubts, things may be fixed if he just changes how he acts in certain ways and perhaps puts more effort in, and I do still think he's cute whenever I see him as well as sweet and I don't want anyone else to have

    • Okay I personally think it's somehow weird that he says he wants to marry you in the future but doesn't want to make it obvious on facebook. I don't have facebook, so I can't relate much, but I know my boyfriend has posted pictures of me, because he wants to show me to all his friends.
      I personally take it as a huge proof that he love me. A song goes like this "I wanna carry her all around town and I'll show her to everybody"
      But then again everyones different. But I don't think it's okay when he knows how it makes you feel and when he doesn't have a better excuse.

      But the thing about always making it work. That's just how I feel. I mean, I don't know if I'll ever find someone who I can figure things out with like him, but what if... Someone is even better for me.. And him

      You say you've had 2 relationships, so can I ask you. How did you know you had to break up with the first one?

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    • I don't know if I want to
      It's just that I'm afraid where our relationship is going, because I get why he wants it to progress, but I'm just not ready to commit like that.
      And if I should break up with him, I'd be miserable, I'm sure. But on the other hand I'd also be relived because there wouldn't be more preasure to be SO commited. And last but not least, I would be able to stop thinking if there is someone out there who suits me better

    • Do what you feel is right

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Your opinion matters in this one. If the relationship feels too overwhelming or mundane to you, it's something you could bring it up in a conversation to shake things up a little. If he stays the same and you feel the same afterwards, it's time for you to make a decision.

    • I have brought it up, but I don't know what it should lead to.. I mean the fact that I don't know if I'll stay with him forever, doesn't change the fact that he wants to..

  • I don't think you need to split up to reach ambitions, personally. If he's understanding then... well.

    Anyway, I think if you love him now then you shouldn't end it, but still make your goals clear - and remember we all change with age over time anyway.

    I am 19 and had a girlfriend for a time when I was at college. We just weren't suited to each other really. She's at uni now, and I'm joining the Royal Navy - and I'm worried that could stop me from finding love to last.

    • So, do you mean, like I should tell him something like "I love you and I want to be with you, but you should know that I'm not sure if this will last forever." to get out my feelings?

      I'm sure I follow what you're saying.. Are you wondering if you should go back to your old girlfriend?

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    • Yes it helps a lot, thank you :-)

    • You're welcome :)

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