How to date when you are an introvert?

I am 24 years old, I have never had a girlfriend... Just a couple of awkward dates...

How does an introvert date?

Often I'm told, you just gotta learn to talk more, break out of your shell, be aggressive etc. But that doesn't really work for me... I can't just become an extrovert, even when I pretend it's really hard... I just don't know what to say or do...

I see a shy girl, she seems to like me... we make eye contact... I try to ask her questions about herself, she answers... but she doesn't know what to say either... it's already hard talking to a shy person... but when you are already shy.. it feels impossible... It sucks because we both liked each other but had no clue how to chat...

On the flip side meeting an extroverted girl sounds awesome if she actually liked you... but most the time they are just friendly... or might use you for attention/validation...

So I am lost... I am an introvert, I hate clubbing, drinking, partying... I just want a girl who understands me, likes me for who I am... But I can't seem to find her anywhere...

I've tried dating sites, talking to girls in person ( I know I'm an introvert, but I still do make small talk with girls and see how they respond)

But it feels like they don't even give me a chance, I know I'm not perfect... but I figure a girl would take a chance on me... but I don't know...

I asked this question at night, any more opinions from day time people?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm a very extroverted female who is dating an extremely introverted male. I love to club and partying , and he hates those things, but our common grounds lie in a few similar hobbies and deep conversation. I love being around people and most of the time he's happy at home by himself or with me. We've been dating for 8 months and are pretty certain this is it. So, I'm just gonna tell you don't give up. I don't know about introverted girls, but some extroverts (like myself) really like introverted men because they are quiet, hard to get to know, and are usually very kind and sensitive underneath it all (at least the introverts I know -- I also have a lot of friends who are introverts who took a lot of time to get to know.) getting to know an introvert is sometimes an enjoyable activity for an extrovert depending on the person. If you are looking to date an extrovert you just have to keep trying and be patient. When the right one comes along they will see your shyness as an endearing trait and will push a little harder. I think it would Be pretty hard as an introvert trying to date extroverts, because a lot of extroverts don't understand introversion on any level, but there are extroverts out there that do. Also, it's unfair to assume extroverts are just being friendly, or that they just want attention/validation. Everyone likes some attention, even intrOverts. They just like it specifically from the people they are closest to, that's all. How do you know a girl is just being friendly unless you give her the time of day? I would just keep pushing the best you can in your comfort level and see where it goes. It worked for my introverted boyfriend.

    • Wow that's really good... How did you guys meet and stuff?

      I would love an aggressive extroverted girl to lead at least at the beginning... and be honest with me...

      I am a bit insecure too, so if you go to clubs alone I would be scared that you find a really good extroverted guy, who knows how to charm you, and you would leave me for him :(

      I just got hurt from an extroverted girl, I am not sure if she liked me, was friendly or just plain mislead me... I really kept talking to her, got close, really thought she liked me... I asked her out to get rejected, she said "maybe"... Turns out she had a boyfriend, really liked my attention ( or maybe she did like me) and I am really confused still... She was my first love too...

    • Show All
    • I personally don't like super forward and flirty men. I like having to peel the layers away so every day I get to learn something new. Also, I may love clubbing, but I like it for the dancing and would definitely never go there to pick up men, even if I was single. I'm sure there are lots of women that may feel that way.

      Try not to beat on yourself so much. Introverts are great people! Our society is just so jam packed with extroverts that there is a lack of understanding in the different temperaments. The thing I love most about my introverted boyfriend is he lets me into a world no one else gets to see! It's such a gift and a treasure from him and I sure as hell couldn't get that from an extrovert! I couldn't ask for more or for a better partner! Hang in there, don't be afraid to take a chance on a girl that seems friendly , but just be careful about how much of your heart you give away before anything is set in stone. (Easier said then done, I know) but just don't give up!

    • Would prefer an extrovert* typo

Most Helpful Guy

  • The best way is to expand your social circle. I'm not saying be an extrover but you need to expand your circle by joining places like hobby groups, church groups, college groups... That way you expand the amount of women you know and hopefully you find one that likes you. When you find a girl ask her out on a date but being an introvert make it a fun date. I'm guessing that you hate just sitting across the table from someone tying to talk with her. So on a fun date you don't just sit there. You talk walk and keep your focus somewhat on each other and the activity.


What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 1

  • Maybe just look for the most undesirable girl possible. She might also be feeling the exact same way and looking for a guy who just appreciates her genuine self.

    Other way is just start boosting up the sex appeal and start working on getting more confident socially, work out, be fashionable, etc. With that you might be able to date more pretty ones and keep conversations going. For that it helps to not just go after women but also go after friends, go to social parties, things like that.

    • I was talking to a friend about this... I do tend to go for girls that I guess are "under my league" but to be honest I am not shallow or anything... As long as they are close to my age, not a hardcore partier and somewhat healthy...

      I think the often may wonder why I am coming after them, maybe they feel insecure and think they are not good enough for me?

    • I was using that example rhetorically to motivate yourself to be more sexually appealing to girls. You should totally go after ones you're attracted to, but like a beast. You wanna using a machine gun here, "tatatatatatatatata!" "Pretty girl Pretty girl Pretty girl Pretty girl Pretty girl Pretty girl Pretty girl!" Then you just keep going brute force until one says "yes". Then make sure you don't fuck up the date.