My ex boyfriend of 2 years moved out of my place 3 months ago due to non-stop fights (he left his computer, tv etc at my place still & our photo as his profile pic on fb). We met up last week for my birthday, and he told me that he wants to take me on a trip, he would quit smoking for me, he wanted to move back in etc. We hooked up & i started to talk about the relationship, he said "STOP", but i continued... so he left. We haven't talked for a week and yesterday I messaged him. We got into a huge fight, as he got upset that when he asked me to STOP, I didn't... (as this was our previous fights too)... I told him i loved him etc... he continued to ignore me. This morning no reply, but he liked my facebook posts... WHAT DO I DO WITH HIM? I love him, but he is being impossible!


Most Helpful Guy

  • You guys sound so silly. This almost reads like a comedy to me (though I imagine the real thing isn't so funny).

    I'm guessing from his standpoint that he kind of wanted to start over fresh with the idea to go on a trip, change things about himself. Bringing up the relationship probably brought some memories for him he was trying to forget and move on from, and perhaps that's why he asked you to "STOP".

    In any case if you two love each other, one or ideally both of you have to learn to communicate very gently, to be the bigger person, to not demand fairness but seek it cooperatively. Usually demanding fairness ends up leading to treatment that ends up leading to both partners feeling like they were treated unfairly, since the idea of fairness is often subjective.

    Seeking this cooperatively and gently and warmly towards each other is what strengthens the bond and builds mutual understanding. It seems to me like one or both of you lack this.

    • Thank you for your thoughtful response :) Honestly... I tried so hard to express that I care about him and that i want to make it work. I have been seeing a therapist (and my ex knows) in order to mitigate any fights. But my ex instead refuses to believe I have changed and uses the example of us getting together, and me being emotional after 3 months and not knowing where we stand, as an indicator that i came on too strong and that i dont respect his boundaries. So now... instead of getting together to talk or spend time together he is back to ignoring me... I dont even know what to say anymore. I tried for hours yesterday to be nice to him and explain to him from my point of view... he is being difficult and i can't keep doing this... its the 4th month and we have no progress!

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    • To avoid going crazy though even if you're chatting with him from time to time, it helps to fill up your calendar and have things to do. It'll help accelerate the time between.

    • Absolutely. I just can't believe that after 3 months, going into month #4 he doesn't miss me like I miss him, and want to spend as much time as he can... i hope im not wasting my time...

Most Helpful Girl

  • You may love him, but he clearly doesn't. If loved you he would be willing to discuss things in regards to your relationship. Anyway, I think you should find the strength to move on.


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