Am I giving my girlfriend enough trust or is it possible that I'm giving her too much trust?

My girlfriend is the type to love having male friends and can't get along with most females. Since she grew up she has always been around males and loved sports. In the beginning of our relationship it was difficult for me to trust her around her male friends who she says are interested in her but I believe I've handled the situation well. I've told her that she's completely free to hang out with anyone and that I trust her 100%. However, I told her how it would feel for me if she makes it a habit of hanging out with guys 1 on 1 too much. She almost made that mistake once and I nearly ended the relationship there.

I allow my girlfriend complete freedom to do as she pleases with her friends. I allow her to hang out with all of her guy friends one on one if it's not a "date," like if she was going to a sports game with one of her friends. She's told me that she really likes a guy she met last year and they send mild flirty texts to one another all the time. She wishes to have more friends who would call or text her often, which I'm very happy with. I allow her to do all that, and I trust her 100%.

There was an incident in the past where someone she dated long ago did not contact her at all or even respond to her messages after the date. He just completely abandoned her after a date where she got him a free ticket for a sports game. This guy tried to make a move on my girl after a long time of no contact, and knew she was taken already. My girlfriend, being innocent, called me to let me know what was going on. She told me the guy was texting about kissing her during the event behind my back. My girlfriend and I had an argument about it, and she ended up crying because she didn't know how badly it made me feel. I truly believe that she loves me 100%. However, because of her innocence I can't help but feel like someone else is going to take advantage of her.

I allow her as much freedom as possible but am I being a careless boyfriend?

By the way, my girlfriend and I hang out with one another and go out on dates a lot. We don't have a lack of communication or dates during a month so we're definitely not losing our love with one another.


Most Helpful Girl

  • So she hangs out with guys who like her. She tells you she really likes a "friend" who she sends and receives flirty texts from.
    The guy friends know what's up, she knows what's up, the only clueless one here is you.
    You probably call yourself a nice guy, but honestly, you're not, you're just being a push over.


Most Helpful Guy

  • >> I allow her as much freedom as possible but am I being a careless boyfriend?

    Have to echo an existing answer. You do not "allow freedom" to an independent person. She's always going to have it. We cannot lock our lovers in a cage 24/7.

    >> However, because of her innocence I can't help but feel like someone else is going to take advantage of her.

    This is not respecting her independence very much. You're seeing her like some girl who is going to helplessly sleep with another guy coming onto her. If she cheats in this context, she's not a helpless victim. It's just as much her fault.

    Trust ultimately boils down to trusting her not to do this no matter what the circumstances are. And that's about all you can do at the end of the day.

    If you grow insecure and controlling, you might find she slips through your fingers, only to have your worst nightmares realized with her breaking up with you and then getting together with one of those guys.

    All you can do is trust and keep building up your bond with your girl. She is unlikely to break that trust if she loves you and sees something in you that she sees in no other guy.

    • What I'd suggest is actually trust her more, not less. And strive to avoid giving her reasons to find you no longer so desirable as a boyfriend. At the end of the day it's just that -- loyalty and attraction. We can't force our partners to be loyal, but we can strive to be keep attracting them to our side.

    • Show All
    • I didn't mean to imply that so much but if you start developing insecurities, they can come out in all kinds of ways -- maybe not controlling behavior but simply arguments over petty things, things like that. All you can work towards is strengthening and strengthening the bond between you two, and trust and support is a key aspect of that.

    • Nothing can guarantee that she won't violate your trust. But it's better to be left a trusting boyfriend whose trust was violated than an boyfriend who starts losing that trust, developing insecurities, and then losing her for that precise reason. I was there and did that one time, and I never imagined myself the jealous type. It took dozens and dozens of guys giving one of my exes so much attention before I cracked, but I lost her not because of the guys, but because I started developing insecurities, sense of inadequacy, etc. I did not try to control her but I became an increasingly unpleasant boyfriend in hindsight. I lost her all on my own.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • No. It's a good thing your trusting her and she's lucky

  • You don't own her. You don't get to give her freedom. She already has it. With or without you.

    • The question isn't whether I give her enough freedom, I always give all of it, the question is asking if I'm trusting her enough or if it's possible that I trust her too much based on her personality.

    • Show All
    • To help prevent incidents like that, try to bond with her and communicate with her gently, intimately, as much as possible, building up mutual understanding and empathy for each other. Be a great lover, make sure she's satisfied in the relationship.

      If you start trying to control her more, chances are that she won't even tell you anymore when incidents like that happen, and that's much, much worse. At some point she's going to be alone and it's going to be up to her to say, "I'm taken already." That's all you can hope for.

    • @ak666 Thanks you, that was great advice! Exactly what I was looking for.

What Guys Said 2

  • The only thing that seems concerning to me is the flirty conversations she has with a guy who she admittedly likes a lot. Seems like a mistake waiting to happen.

    • He's a cuck waiting to happen

    • @Nomad69 it's not even once in a while. It's 'all the time'. That's basically cheating as is.

    • Pretty much, I can understand dirty talking with randoms early on when you don't know what your SO likes but it should be with just them. The rock in the hard place is when your girlfriend doesn't like that kinda talk and you really enjoy it

  • Careless boyfriend I don't see that. Rather a female friend who needs to respect who she's with. Having a lot of male friends ok. But she should display her loyalty to you clearly.

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