Advice on asking a guy out without being obvious?

Is it wrong if i dont want to ask him out bcs people will gossip about it (saying im cheap or whatever)?
So how to do it without being direct or obvious? Or maybe how you make him like me too?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just make the invitation to hang out later with just you and him very, very casual.

    Don't make it a big deal and it won't be. Like, "Hey, wanna go to [insert place] on [insert day]?"

    The other way without asking him out is to usually flirt and really show obvious signs of interest, touching him a lot and paying very close attention to everything he says and complimenting his looks and so forth.

    But if you actually want to avoid being teased if he doesn't like you back, I actually think the casual invitation to hang out makes it more ambiguous as to whether you really like him or not before he agrees.

    When you do heavy flirting, it'll often make it obvious to everyone that you do like him while still keeping the ball entirely in his court to ask you out or not.

    • I do flirt, but i hate being teased so when i like someone i tend to keep it for myself only. I rarely tell friends about it. Casual invitation is a bit too obvious i guess since he will know right away that i like him. (In my school no girls ever ask guy out first)

    • You could even make it like a friendly invitation -- avoid even calling it a "date".

      I mean you can always stick to flirting and just keep doing it more and more aggressively but what if he still doesn't ask you out? At some point you have to keep elevating the flirting to a point where you're broadcasting to everyone that you like him a lot, and maybe he still doesn't ask you out -- awkward!

      The tricky part for me for girls is that they usually don't get the choice in partners except among those willing to court them -- among their suitors. If you want to have the power to arbitrarily choose which guy you want to date, it gets tougher since the traditional power of a female in this context is to just kind of stand around and, at most, flirt to try to elevate the odds that he will ask you out. It can potentially leave you wasting months or even years hoping for a guy to ask you out while flirting isn't working.

    • For example, you might ask him about his favorite food and if you two click, you might throw a very casual offer to go to a restaurant that serves that type of food.

      You do generally have to put yourself out there when you take an interest in someone and make an initiative of any sort, whether flirting or casually asking someone out.

      If you are too worried about being teased for it, it will shatter your confidence. Confidence doesn't come from being all worried about what others think. It comes from not caring what others think. Embarrassment is more something taken than given in a lot of contexts. If you are genuine to yourself, there's often far less to be embarrassed about. You don't have to deny or hide your feelings towards him so much.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Begin your own Beguine here, dear, with being Friendly And... Friends.
    Then when you See that Things may be Getting a Bit more 'Obvious' on Both ends, but perhaps he is a Shy Guy who has not made the Move to Ask you Out... Ask him if he would Like to Hang out Sometime.
    Good luck. xx


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What Guys Said 2

  • Talk to him in person in private. If it's by text/DM/FB then it's essentially documented. If he wants to say no and then throw it in your face, you can at least deny it because there's no proof. If it's just you and him with nobody else around, you can be as direct. Being suggestive might not be enough to get your point across.

    • ^^ Agreed with this. You can just do it upfront and in person and very casually invite him to spend time with you. No need to make it all dramatic. Trying to flirt aggressively will often leave you feeling more like a jackass if he doesn't return interest than if he simply refuses a very casual offer to spend time with you outside of school.

    • Im kind of traumatised chatting with guy in text bcs his friends always find a way to read it and they will never stop teasing me about that later...

  • Ask him if there's any movies he wants to see and then walk away after he responds.


What Girls Said 0

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