Is being a being an asshole all there is?

Hey guys, first time i post something. I want to talk about my personal experience. I had a long-term relationship where i was lied to, cheated and taken for granted even though i was caring, generous and compassionate. Basically i tried to give her everything she wanted and still it wasn't enough for her. I voiced my wants and needs, but they always fell on deaf ears, she was selfish towards me.

Anyway, I left her when i found out that she was doing things behind my back. I then went out to find someone who would be better, i didn't want a fairy tale princess, just someone who is nice, honest and shows me respect. My ordeal with my ex didn't poison the well for others, i didn't go "all women are the same". In the next several months, all the women that i have been good to have either started the "cold game" eg not respond to me, avoid me and just acted uninterested. Towards them I was considerate, I listened, communicated to them more. I was flirtatious and they could see that I was romantically interested, but nothing over the top. I wanted sex yes, but i wanted someone to share other things more, and I was showing that.

After that, for the next several months, i just started being an ass, just going for sex, getting it and then just being unavailable until I wanted sex again. I would make fun of them in a disgusting way like "i got to fuck you with ease" or "you are only good for sucking". And they ate out of my hand, i could do whatever i wanted, I could get anything from them.

My question is, is this all there is? I hate being an asshole, I just want someone with whom I can have mutual respect. Am I just missing something? Can someone put this in a better perspective?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe the reason you get sex from these women is because they have insecurities. Compliments and gentlemanly behaviour is perhaps falling on deaf ears because it's not so common these days. Or they like to be messed around because they crave the drama. Or they want the challenge of being the one to change you for good. Could be any kind of reason.

    However, saying that though - continuing to act like a dickhead won't attract the nice girl who you want to have mutual respect for. You'll only further surround yourself by these idiotic girls.


What Guys Said 2

  • No, it's about faking confidence. That's what gets women. That whole confidence thing they keep saying is hot, that's what the actual thing is. A lot of guys don't have actual confidence so they pretend by acting like an "asshole".
    Being an asshole won't work for you if you don't do it with confidence or put on a big ego.

    • This pretty much. Being an asshole is one (easy) way to project confidence which is what is actually the important thing. Being an asshole also attracts a certain kind of woman, mostly low-quality and not exactly girlfriend material.

  • Maybe.

    Or maybe the girls who really liked you would have sex from you right away, and the girls you were trying to be nice to, didn't like you that much, but liked the treatment.

    Take some girls who will fuck you on demand and start slowly treating them better, and if they act up, pull back. Find one who responds well to good treatment.