I am with my boyfriend who has been nothing but great to me. I really adore him. But there are many things in his past that I have looked over (eg. Lots of drinking, lots of sexual partners, party lifestyle.) but told myself hey its the past I didn't know him then and until he proves me not to trust him I will. And I do.
But I still find myself worrying and getting anxious over things.. How can I reassure myself? I'm afraid to bring it up to him, I did once before and it didn't go so well.
I just wish I could shut that part of my brain off, but can't help comparing our pasts and somehow thinking its "unfair" or wanting to know the amount of girls etc etc. I find myself getting jealous and insecure.
I just want to know if anyone has some experience here or advice on how to tame my inner jealousy beast.
I want to be able to love him fully and not worry about the person he was. A part of me is scared I don't know him well enough, but again he has shown me nothing but kindness. He has said some stupid things, but nothing to hurt me on purpose.
Most Helpful Guy
The past is what made him who he is, you can't simply just ignore it and say "the past is the past" it doesn't work that way.
Many people here think you can just changed like when you turn on and off a switch. Yeah, change is possible, but it takes a long time, especially for an adult.
I don't know how long you've been dating, but if you don't think you can look over his past, then it's better to break up, cause you're always gonna have those thoughts in the back of your mind that are just gonna cause problems.
You can give it more time, have a serious and honest talk with him, but if things don't change, I think breaking up is the best.1
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Most Helpful Girl
I'm kind of similar.
And you're right, it is his past and you aren't judging him for it. I just find telling myself every day the things my partner does for me, shows me he loves me to be helpful. I've heard seeking professional help can actually be useful (I haven't done it yet, but I am interested in the idea if I can get the money).
But in the end, if you can't find a way to forget it and move on, then telling him you're sorry that you can't be comfortable with it, and he doesn't deserve to feel not trusted for something he hasnt' done wrong, he'd hopefully understand.1