Alright so I'm not meaning to sound like a girl but I don't know...
My girl and I have been together for four months now. She's awesome I love her personality and being around her, I have known her for about seven months now and honestly I can see a future with her but some stuff that kind of gets to me and I'm not sure how to talk to her about it without sounding like a little b****.
Okay, so she just started birth control, She was telling me that it kills her sex drive makes her moody and tired, with that said, she said doesn't initiate sex. That doesn't bother me too much but what does bother me is when through out the day we flirt and make advances to each other all through out the day, and things get heated and I try to pursue it and she laughs and kisses me and She tells me "you can have me tonight" then the night comes and she's tired, headache, or something comes up.
my birthday was two weeks ago, we both work and on my birthday she was broke but she wished me a happy birthday and that was that, she asked what I wanted to do well I told her I don't have any plans, all day I thought she was gonna surprise me or something but no the day came and went and that was it, just another day. I said how it bothered me a little bit, and she said "I'm sorry I'm broke but I'm gonna make it up for you" and all I wanted was a lap dance or a movie night somethin but nah nah nothin has happened
She's off today and I asked her last night "hey tomorrow can you bring me lunch at work or something, I go to lunch at 9" she's like "yeah what do you want" I'm like anything babe it's all good surprise me, what do you know, today is here I called her on my lunch with 15 mins left of my lunch time and she was just getting out of bed, and she's like "idk what to bring you babe" so I just told her not to trip that I'll just grab somethin up.
Am I being a bitch or needy to want these things from my girl? What should I do?
Most Helpful Girl
I don't think you're being needy at all. Maybe just have a word with her and let her know what you want and how you feel, maybe something like
"Hey I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything but I just feel a bit upset that we don't really do much together like on my birthday all I really wanted was a movie night or something together but we didn't really do anything, and I was hoping you'd bring me lunch today but you didn't since you didn't know what to bring, though anything would have been fine. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or sound annoying but do you think you could put a little bit more effort in for me please?"
You know, something like that so it hits the bullet points but isn't too needy or argumentative or anything.
I can relate to this myself but with my boyfriend not doing much boyfriend stuff -
- He's cool with only seeing me once a week
-I always have to tell/ask him what to do
- He didn't do anything for me on valentines day because the day is "too sappy".
- He didn't get me anything for Christmas until he found out I got him something.
- He never "surprise" visits me
- Never brings me flowers or chocolates (that said I know it's a bit clique)
- Never buys me lunch or even just little things like chocolate even though I sometimes do this for him
- Doesn't hold my hand much because it gets sweaty
- Doesn't seem bothered by me walking a large gap away from him
- Gets distracted by TV in the middle of when we're kissing
- Will piss about with an RC car, reading stuff on his phone or doing whatever when I am with him, even if we only have limited time left together
- And in the 10 months we've been going out, has never once taken me on a date.
There's more too but sometimes I remind myself he has a lot of problems (ADHD, anxiety, learning difficulties, confidence issues, trust issues, etc), and that he only ever had one girlfriend before me (they apparently didn't go out for as long as we have) and try to be more forgiving of it.
It is really getting to me now though, and I'm not sure how much more I can take, I suppose I'll just keep telling him I need him to put more effort in and if he does then great, maybe it can be saved, but otherwise?
I guess I'll find someone else.
Like your girlfriend, my boyfriend is a sweet guy with a sweet personality but I need him to put more effort in for me and show more eagerness to actually see me.1
Most Helpful Guy
the mood stuff is true about the birth control pill. it effects hormones but nonetheless it does sound like the not following through on sexual plans goes beyond being on the pill
it sounds like she really doesn't follow through on a lot of things which i think is a legitimate beef to have. I think you should find a nice way to bring up these things. just mentioning how you feel let down when she says she's going to do something or implies she'll do something and then doesn't1