My girlfriend doesn't do girlfriend stuff for me?

Alright so I'm not meaning to sound like a girl but I don't know...

My girl and I have been together for four months now. She's awesome I love her personality and being around her, I have known her for about seven months now and honestly I can see a future with her but some stuff that kind of gets to me and I'm not sure how to talk to her about it without sounding like a little b****.

Okay, so she just started birth control, She was telling me that it kills her sex drive makes her moody and tired, with that said, she said doesn't initiate sex. That doesn't bother me too much but what does bother me is when through out the day we flirt and make advances to each other all through out the day, and things get heated and I try to pursue it and she laughs and kisses me and She tells me "you can have me tonight" then the night comes and she's tired, headache, or something comes up.

my birthday was two weeks ago, we both work and on my birthday she was broke but she wished me a happy birthday and that was that, she asked what I wanted to do well I told her I don't have any plans, all day I thought she was gonna surprise me or something but no the day came and went and that was it, just another day. I said how it bothered me a little bit, and she said "I'm sorry I'm broke but I'm gonna make it up for you" and all I wanted was a lap dance or a movie night somethin but nah nah nothin has happened

She's off today and I asked her last night "hey tomorrow can you bring me lunch at work or something, I go to lunch at 9" she's like "yeah what do you want" I'm like anything babe it's all good surprise me, what do you know, today is here I called her on my lunch with 15 mins left of my lunch time and she was just getting out of bed, and she's like "idk what to bring you babe" so I just told her not to trip that I'll just grab somethin up.

Am I being a bitch or needy to want these things from my girl? What should I do?

I just have to update that I do things for her I re read that and I sound like a possessive ass but real talk I bring her flowers I lite the room up with flowers and just massaged her and we cuddled after and just slept, I brought her lunch. when I am home on my days off and comes over I make her some grub and have it ready because she'll be hungry when she walks in I don't know I guess I'm just looking for it to be two sided and just because I'm a dude doesn't mean I wouldn't want those things too


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think you're being needy at all. Maybe just have a word with her and let her know what you want and how you feel, maybe something like

    "Hey I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything but I just feel a bit upset that we don't really do much together like on my birthday all I really wanted was a movie night or something together but we didn't really do anything, and I was hoping you'd bring me lunch today but you didn't since you didn't know what to bring, though anything would have been fine. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or sound annoying but do you think you could put a little bit more effort in for me please?"

    You know, something like that so it hits the bullet points but isn't too needy or argumentative or anything.

    I can relate to this myself but with my boyfriend not doing much boyfriend stuff -

    - He's cool with only seeing me once a week
    -I always have to tell/ask him what to do
    - He didn't do anything for me on valentines day because the day is "too sappy".
    - He didn't get me anything for Christmas until he found out I got him something.
    - He never "surprise" visits me
    - Never brings me flowers or chocolates (that said I know it's a bit clique)
    - Never buys me lunch or even just little things like chocolate even though I sometimes do this for him
    - Doesn't hold my hand much because it gets sweaty
    - Doesn't seem bothered by me walking a large gap away from him
    - Gets distracted by TV in the middle of when we're kissing
    - Will piss about with an RC car, reading stuff on his phone or doing whatever when I am with him, even if we only have limited time left together
    - And in the 10 months we've been going out, has never once taken me on a date.

    There's more too but sometimes I remind myself he has a lot of problems (ADHD, anxiety, learning difficulties, confidence issues, trust issues, etc), and that he only ever had one girlfriend before me (they apparently didn't go out for as long as we have) and try to be more forgiving of it.

    It is really getting to me now though, and I'm not sure how much more I can take, I suppose I'll just keep telling him I need him to put more effort in and if he does then great, maybe it can be saved, but otherwise?

    I guess I'll find someone else.

    Like your girlfriend, my boyfriend is a sweet guy with a sweet personality but I need him to put more effort in for me and show more eagerness to actually see me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • the mood stuff is true about the birth control pill. it effects hormones but nonetheless it does sound like the not following through on sexual plans goes beyond being on the pill

    it sounds like she really doesn't follow through on a lot of things which i think is a legitimate beef to have. I think you should find a nice way to bring up these things. just mentioning how you feel let down when she says she's going to do something or implies she'll do something and then doesn't

    • and you don't sound like a bitch or needy. you are in a relationship and have things you'd like to see happen

    • Thanks man I"m gonna think of away to bring it up.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • So you think she SHOULD have sex with you? and why do you call it a "girlfriend thing" like it is a nessecity for her to do, i get it... we all need physical and loving contact from the one we like and it can be frustrating but mainly it's the birth control doing this and honestly birth control isn't great these days... infact it could cause infertility problems in some women, she may just be taking the wrong type for her or her body is just getting used to it but i would say to her if her body doesn't regulate on them after a couple months then she may want to try a different kind of birth control. There are many kinds and not all of them work for each woman, some do make them feel horrible, have headaches and go totally moody and they may not get used to it so they have to switch, you know pills these days... it's purely experimental and i hate people have to screw with their health so much, but on the other hand some women can't handle any birth control at all. I wouldn't say you are being a bitch or need just not understanding enough of the effects of birth control and it's clear her going on them she wants to be sexually active with you but the birth control right now isn't making her feel good.

    • Wait wiat wait no no no I'm not like that 100% I'm not but I think it's a girl thing to do by making me feel wanted sexually yeah getting into this relationship I was real with her I told her from the jump that my sex drive is high high and it's important to me to have sex at least twice a week not every day, but I also told her that I understand i won't get it every week at times but what bothers me is when she initiates it during the day then stops me and tells me we can later on then something comes up

    • You aren't understanding as i said, it's the birth control, see what birth control does is it stops a girl ovulating which stops a girl getting pregnant and in birth control it has estrogen or progestrone in it which stops the ovulation and stop the luteinizing hormone from releasing which surges through the body to make an egg release. With the pill you get less of ether estrogen or progestrone or if she is taking a combination then less of both but the sudden drop in the hormones can make women moody, give them headaches and make them feel crappy and it's not their fault whatsoever... but this is what happens, the pill isn't too great but a girl must go on it if she wants to be sexually active but you aren't giving her a chance to get used to it, if she will ever get used to it because some women don't or as i said if she's reacting badly to it then she may need to try another type. She is trying to do this to be able to have sex with you but it's been rough.

    • This just isn't about any issues she may be having emotionally or this doesn't mean she doesn't want you since she has clearly gone on the pill but she can't just have sex with you if she doesn't feel like doing it, it's clear that when she has less energy later on is when she starts feeling the side-effects of the pill, she may get used to it though but it takes time so hold on and understand she is trying but we can't help how badly made pills are thse days.

  • Well what do you think happens when a girl is on birth control? Her body can't handle that and it needs to regulate. She chose to get sexually active so that's the price. Overall I think you just need to calm down, give her some space and let her deal with her situation. Once she is settled maybe then she will do that. I don't agree with what you two are doing, but I'm trying to help you understand. This is what happens when women start birth control: hormones, libido, functionality, feeling fatigued, etc happens.

  • seems like she's not making much effort, or investing time into the relationship... I would have A talk and see if your on the same page with what your goals are moving forward!

  • Id be a little pissed too. We wouldn't be dating anymore

  • To be honest you do sound a bit Whiney...

  • seriously your girlfriend sounds wrong.
    It's your freaking birthday and her excuse is being broke lol
    She's not that broke to buy you a small gift or write you a letter or something. She just doesn't give a fuck.
    Like you said, she should have asked you go out dinner with her or just get cuddly in your place watch tv like do something together it doesn't make any sense. It's her boyfriends birthday and really she doesn't want to do a shit with him? Being broke is just a pathetic lame excuse. You are right about your feelings just drop her you deserve better. And maybe it's not her mood, her hormone or whatever, she just doesn't want to have sex with you.

    • Thats exactly how i feel! I didn't care about getting anything at all, nothing zero. All i wanted was her company make me dinner for the night hell lets make dinner together watch my fav movie of all times together, give me a massage. simple i just wanted to make sure that its not just me that sees this, so thank you

What Guys Said 4

  • No you're not at all but unlike many girls you might wanna talk about things like they are and not drop hints. There's a way to do it without making her feel like she's getting attacked.

  • It is not "needy" to expect to do something with your girlfriend in your birthday, or have a sex life.

    She doesn't really care, this relationship sounds like it's on life support.

    You should tell her all this. You have little to lose at this point.

  • You can do a lot better, get a new girlfriend

  • The birthday and lunch things sound a little whiny. But the no sex is a dealbreaker. Tell her she either puts out or you're dumping her ass