He is mega shy. How do I fix him?

So, my boyfriend of two years left me a little while ago.
Throughout this relationship I never cheated or even considered it, but I always felt that there was a little spark between me and his friend. So it really excited me when this friend asked if I was okay and did I want to hang out sometime.
We did meet up, and since we've both said that we do like each other in that way, and that we'll see how it goes. He has also described us as "Friends with intentions", and has spoken a little bit about past relationships, and even sex.

The only problem is that he's so shy. I feel like sometimes I make him uncomfortable because I come across so bubbly and confident, although of course I'm worried about what to expect with a whole new, completely different guy. He hasn't had any kind of sexual relationship for around 9 months.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek when he dropped me home this evening, and he looked really unsure and slightly embarrassed, as though he didn't really know what to do with himself. I don't want to push him too hard so that he gets uncomfortable and leaves, but I also don't want to act like I'm not interested.

How can I get him to come out of his shell and realise that I'm really into him without scaring him off?

Thanks :)

Update - I am not trying to 'fix him' I worded it wrong. I mean how can I make him more comfortable around me and get a conversation about how we feel.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Damn, this has been one of the cutest things I have read on here in a while. That guy reminds me of me, to an extent. I really like the "friends with intentions" thing, awesomely said.

    Anyway, I will try to explain what he feels like and what he is thinking. This guy likes you; and I mean he REALLY likes you. He is afraid to show this, because he does not want to scare you away. His greatest fear right now is that he will do something stupid, silly or awkward which will send you running for the hills.
    Whether that fear makes sense or not (it likely doesn't) is not important; he has to deal with it.

    Now, onto how you can help him with it. First and foremost, whenever he seems gets insecure, like when you kissed him, just look at him with a nice smile. The kind of smile which says: I like you; all is okay.

    Next, when you guys are hanging out, sit closely to him. If it is sometime at night, rest your head on his shoulder while you are talking or watching a movie. That stuff feels AMAZING as a guy; its like the girl is saying: "I trust you and feel safe with you".

    Finally, there is the direct approach. If you have been hanging out with him for some time and he suddenly starts getting insecure again, gently confront him about it. Don't go yelling: "OMG ARE YOU NERVOUS?" but rather: "you seem a little nervous, but you really don't have to be! :3"

    If you have any more questions, feel free to ask me!

    • Thankyou so much. I'm glad somebody could help me see it from his side :) You're awesome! I liked the way he worded it, too! :)

      Okay, I'll try some of these things, and doing a little smile too, because I think I'm a bit "Why are you nervous?" when he probably doesn't know either.

      I'll try subtly getting close to him. With regards to the movie thing, I'm not even sure how to approach getting a movie night. I live with my whole family and he wouldn't even come in to use the toilet when they were all asleep, so that's a no go.. I also don't want to just invite myself to his house lol. I'll just have to hint about it a little bit.

      Thankyou so much!! Such a quick response too!

    • Show All
    • Well, we're going to a car meet together tomorrow.. Update to follow... :)

    • Ooh, how exciting! hahaha

      Have fun!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • The best answer I can give you is to give him time and encouragement and he will slowly become more confident t with you.

  • You can't "fix" nor change people.

    You can possibly tell them about it and encourage them for them to change that weakness themselves. But YOU can NOT change someone else. You would do well to accept. That will help you in many aspects of life.

    • I didn't mean how do I fix him, I worded it wrong. I meant like, how do I help him to be more comfortable..

    • Once again, you can't. You can tell him. If he really accepts that criticism (if he doesn't, its pointless), you can possibly help him with encouragement and ideas what he could do. The rest is solely up to him.

  • suck his dick ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

    • Umm, he's one of these who wait until you're together for sex anyway lol.

  • Shyness in a guy does not need to be "fixed". There's nothing wrong with it.

    • I worded it wrong, I meant how can I make him more comfortable, or what can I do to help get him there

  • You don't fix it, you accept it or move on


What Girls Said 2

  • In the end, you can't change people. However if it's just a matter of him not being totally comfortable with you, just give it time. My boyfriend was incredibly shy when we first started dating, and now about 6 months later he's a completely different person, no changing necessary. It just takes a while sometimes

  • That's the thing.. You don't. Accept him as he is. He will come around. He probably feels weirded out since his friends ex is into him and he's into you... So just give it more time.

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