An older man asked me out. How should I respond?

I'm 21 and I've just recently (like last year) started becoming more interested in guys and dating. Unfortunately, it's been mainly guys 25+ who have been chasing me. I shouldn't feel bad about it but I was hoping to attract guys closer to my age. It makes me feel weird because I'm still young and new to this, so I would easily be taken advantage of. I also don't know what to do or talk about with an older man. I don't even know what we would have in common. The whole thing is intimidating and scary.

An older man, possibly early to mid 30s, sees me all the time when I'm walking my dog. He speaks every time and makes short conversation. Yesterday he asked if he could me take me out. I promptly said no. He didn't give up and told me to think about it. I have and I thought it would be fun, but the whole idea of it makes me scared.

I'm anon on purpose lol. But seriously, any advice is appreciated.


What Guys Said 1

  • I'm older, so you can tell me, anonymously what you are concerned about, because I am about the same age. While I don't really feel attracted to young ladies, like your age, I could, maybe, if there was something in common, and we could talk, and shared interests.
    Are you concerned what others might say, if you date a guy 10 years older? I work with two women that have husbands that are 10, and 14 years older than them, and they said that they married them, because they liked each other, and liked the same things, and liked the same kinds of food!
    What concerns you, about the age difference?

    • There's a number of things that pop up in my head when I think about it.
      The first one is what other people say/think. Strangers, I don't care. My friend and family are what I'm concerned about. I don't want them to judge me, think I'm in over my head, etc.
      I mentioned this but I feel he could take advantage of me. I don't know a lot about men or the way they think and dating. I'm still new tires living freely and just starting to come into my own. I feel he would be able to read that and use the fact that I'm naive for his own purpose.
      I'm scared he might use me for sex, as with any man.
      We may not have something in common at all because we're at different points in our lives. I'm still in school, living with my mom and I'm not sure where my life is going. I don't have a lot to call my own, I'm not all the way dependent nor emotionally developed. He seems like he's more established. He has a job (or career), a car, and his own place. He has more life experience and may want to

    • (Pt 2) settle down. I'm still a child compared to him and it'll be embarrassing once he realizes that.

    • Yeah, sounds like you shouldn't get involved with him! You have the right thoughts and feelings and even the apprehensions. You are thinking RIGHT!! Trust your own judgement, not just in this, but others, later.
      Some of my gender just want to take advantage when they can, for their own feeling, not caring. You seem to have a good sense, and understanding, and I think you will do well, trusting your own feelings and judgement, just based on the things you responded with!
      it's OK to like what you like, and you don't have do what others do.
      Don't let anyone tell you what you 'should' do, if you don't want to!!
      It's totally ok to just LOVE being young, and being a 'kid'!! Those are great times!!

What Girls Said 1

  • Just tell them you're not interested. Be direct and make your point very clear. Hang around more people your age.

    • That's the thing, I do hang around people my age. I always have. I just don't think attract them.