Boyfriend friends with ex-girlfriend?

I have been dating this guy for 4 months now and things are going pretty well. We really enjoy each other's company and we care deeply for each other. One of the biggest issues I have is that his ex-girlfriend works in the same place as him and they belong to the same group of friends and interact on a daily basis. They are even friends and catch up with each other regularly at work.
They both have moved on and he seems to be happy with the relationship that we have. I know that I should not let sporadic text messages between them bother me but it does!
He has also been really honest about the whole thing but I still feel that he has some feelings for this girl and it does not help that he sees her everyday. She recently got into a relationship and I know that my boyfriend is not too happy about that, he tries to act nonchalant but it bothers him that she is with someone else now.
I really do not know what the solution to this problem is but it bothers me a lot, and I feel like given the chance he would have liked to stay with her. It is again just a feeling, because she is so integrated in his life and I can never be that person. It makes me feel very insecure about the relationship because she also understands parts of his life and work that I never will no matter how much he tells me about these things.
I know this is sort of like obsessive behavior and I am scared that if I keep talking to him about it he will give up on me too. I really like this guy and this whole thing scares me no matter how hard I try not to worry about it and to accept her as a part of his life which is over with now but the constant contact does not let me forget that. What can I do about this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Bless you.. I completely understand why you feel a bit paranoid. However it boils down to trust! You just need to trust him, without trust then there is no point in being with someone. If he works with her and has the same group of friends then unfortunately they probably will see each other a fair amount. Just continue to make sure your relationship is good- date nights etc and you should go out with him and his friends.. If for some reason something did happen with the ex then good riddance but they are exes for a reason! X

    • Yeah I do know that and I know that I have to learn to trust him and believe that he wants to be with me. Its just that I know that he has some residual feelings for this girl and its hard for me because they meet everyday even if its unavoidable!

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What Guys Said 1

  • Well just because a long-term relationship didn't work out with someone doesn't mean have to CUT ALL CONTACT WITH THEM, just because they don't have each other doesn't mean they are suddenly going to waltz around making out and fucking in a nearby restroom

    • so I am guessing you mean to say that I should not worry about this?
      That they are just friends?

    • Yep! If he wanted to date her then they'd be dating which they aren't because they broke up

What Girls Said 1

  • For him to be upset/not happy with her dating others is just not right. That just clearly means he still cares/has feelings for her..
    Them having mutual friends, working together, seeing each other everyday is not an issue here. That's not something that can be controlled. I know it's hard but you should be totally cool with that.
    However, him bothered by whoever she's been seeing is absolutely not acceptable. Like if he's being like 'neh she's dating a boring loser.' And laugh it off, ok maybe.
    But if he's actually MAD or looking very bothered by the fact she's dating someone.. Your boy friend is an ass.. Just the fact that he talks about her is just not cool.

    • He actually does not talk about it, he had to go meet his ex's new boyfriend with a bunch of other friends and I asked him about it. Yeah, see thats what bothers me, him feeling mad or sad about the whole her dating someone new thing! and I have no clue how I am supposed to confront him about this because no matter what I say, he always tells me that he is over it now.

    • Oh you ask him first... Hm then I guess you should just trust him and be cool with it. I know it really bothers you but there's nothing anyone can do about this. At least they both moved on he got you she got her new guy. That's much better. Don't ask him about his ex that would just make him think about her more.