What do you think are the main reasons why a person is unable to get a second date? thats a problem i've been having, the times I go on dates?

The times i'm able to get a date with a girl, i only get a first date but i don't get a second date, and this has really been bothering me lately. It makes me wonder what i'm doing wrong, is it the venue, location, activity i'm picking for the date, or what i'm talking about on the date, the conversations?

This is also what it seems like, in the very early stages of the dating process, it seems there is more room for error, mistakes, for guys to do than it is for girls, more often than not, if things don't go past the first or second date, if things don't end up transitioning into a relationship, the guy and girl don't end up becoming exclusive, most of the time it's because the girl loses interest instead of the guy losing interest, is that how it is most of the time?

Also, it seems the mans behavior, or the mans performance on the date is more important than the other way around, reason why i say this is because there are dating coaches, services out there that are mainly geared towards guys, men, and one of the services they offer is a mock date, as in they take you out on a practice date, with a wing girl of theirs, and they let know what you are doing right and wrong, i doubt there is anything like this for women, thats why my interpretation, is that the mans performance on the first few dates matter more than the womans. But anyway, lets stick to the topic, why do you think second dates don't end up happening, what makes a girl interested to go out on a first date with a guy but then become no longer interested in seeing him?


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What Girls Said 1

  • hi, can i ask if there is much conversing beforehand? xx


What Guys Said 2

  • Men are typically the ones who take the lead and have to make things happen and chase early on, that's why there's more stuff geared towards men. However it doesn't have to be that way, I always treat a date as an equal thing, I choose a place that I like and show her what I'm about while I see what she's about and if anyone of us doesn't think it's worth continuing, then cool.. I'm not going to put in an effort to win her over, I want to see that she's building on the attraction that she already has for me and if she's not then we'll go our separate ways.

    Don't look too much about the logistics of the date and where you go etc, it should be pretty obvious what's good and what's not. How you behave is another one, people say be yourself.. No, I don't agree with that, be the person you want to be. By that I mean if you're shy and never talk that much, if you want to talk to her on a deep level and connect with her, then don't let shyness or nervousness get the better of you, make an effort to connect with her and if you're excited to be with her, it shouldn't be that hard. You want to make an impression and connect with her on a deeper level. Start of with the standard small talk to get to know each other, but you want to progress from that later on.

    But at the end of the day, unless you're doing stupid things, you shouldn't worry about the fact she's not keen on a second date, the attraction was probably never really there in the first place, she was more just 'testing' to see what's around and that's not someone you really want, you want someone who's actually attracted to you.

    I don't make an effort to get girls to like me, I make an effort to find girls that do like me.

    • Specifically what do you mean by taking the lead?

    • Generally it's the guy who asks her out, organizes the date etc... Whoever the person is that does do that, given they're in control of the date mostly, it reflects badly on them if things don't go well or it makes them look good if things do. It's basic societal roles, a lot of women like guys who take the lead, that's why it's traditionally and typically men who propose, it's seen as the guy's responsibility to make things happen.

    • Yeah most girls will not call or text a guy first in the very early stages. That means they usually won't even call a guy even if it means returning a missed call they expect the guy to call again

  • If something works out between me and someone there is no such thing as a "second date" You just start hanging out after that point if things go well. Someone already nailed it, but I'll reiterate what he's talking about. You need to get good at making a connection. Its a skill, but its not hard to pick up. Instead of asking questions like what color is your dog, you ask why do you like dogs more than cats.

    A very surface question, but you need to dig and get to know her much deeper, and you can do this right away. The last girl I went on a first date with, by the end I found out she was a heroin addict for 5 years and had been clean for the last 10, her dad died and she hated her mom. Its not something you normally talk about when you first meet someone, but if you get to this level of connecting with someone a second date isn't necessary.

    This kind of thing takes some practice you need to know when you're going to far and dial it back, but essentially you need to be able to get her to open up and you the same to build a connection. You can't just sit around and talk about your favorite tv shows for 2 hours and expect they want to hang out with you again, unless you have other redeeming qualities of course. This isn't the end all of getting a second date either. Its one path you can take that I find to work quite well. I am genuinely interested in knowing people, not just talking about random ass stuff. There are plenty of other options, but getting that first date is the hard part to begin with, so keep on trying new things to find something that will work for you.