Should I tell my girlfriend my opinion on her style and lifestyle choices?

Ok so hear me out on this one please. Been dating this girl for about 4 months now and we both like and care for each other a lot already especially her. In fact, we have already booked a trip to Cali together in January since we both have family there.

Im a very conservative guy that finds several things very unattractive on a girl that I care for including tattoos, facial piercing, smoking or smoking weed and skimpy dressing.

Since i I have dated this girl she has given me no reason to be mad at her for these things other than she took a few hits off a joint from a friend of mine at a house party and occasionally dressing too skimpy, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable in public. She also told me she has thought about a tattoo for 4 years now in remembrance of her grandmother, but has none to this day.

She told me or has made comments that she's not against pot and only smokes on a rare occassion or smokes a few cigarettes when she gets super drunk.

So I happened to look through her old pics on Instagram and can tell that about 3 or 4 years ago she had a very different style with a nose ring and posted about tattoos she wanted. I'm not sure if this was just a college phase or if that is actually her true style and lifestyle.

In no way do I want to control her or try and change her if this is truly her style because I'm not going to try. If it's all a past thing I don't care but, should I be honest and tell her that all of these things (smoking, tattoos, piercings or skimpy dressing) will be a problem for me in the future just so she knows and can make her own choices depending on what's important to her?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd only bring it up if it happens. Even in that case, don't come out with a "I don't like it when you wear skimpy clothing." remark. Try something a bit more laid back, such as complimenting her on days she dresses more conservatively. If you find her one night in something that makes you uncomfortable, make a small note of how a bit more clothing would make you feel better. Even if it's just a jacket. As for tattoos I wouldn't worry about it. I've never had a desire for a tattoo, but love looking and reposting them on my social media platforms. I have a friend who has two, and she agreed as well. People don't normally have a desire for tattoos unless they're meaningful such as her grandmother's remembrance and also are thought about for months before actually getting the ink. I wouldn't sweat it honestly. As for drugs you might just have to bite the bullet on that one. I don't use anything besides alcohol and it honestly just a stress reliever. Unless she's going 'overboard' with it, I wouldn't say anything about that either.

    • Thank you for the detailed opinion.
      I will try the approach on her dressing. As for the rest it's hard for me knowing that she might have the desire to do those things after I get more involved with her, and I don't want to get to that point. So I'm still not sure how to approach those things :/

    • Show All
    • Which obviously set me at ease. We also talked about other things like the piercings, smoking cigs/weed, skimpy dressing etc. I was very open and honest and she said she wet through a very weird phase in HS and college, but would never do those things either since it would bother me. I told her I'm not out to change her or her style, which she liked, but she said that she is changing because I make her a better person.

    • I'm glad! I'm super happy you talked it out and came to an answer to all your concerns.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Damn man, you need to lighten up a little bit, or find yourself a nice girl from church.

    Regardless never ever try to change someone you are dating, they will resent you for it if not right away, eventually. I wouldn't bring anything up unless its really bothering the shit out of you.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • You shouldn't attack her for it I know I wouldn't want to be attacked for my tattoos or stretched ears or the fact that I smoke weed and wear booty shorts (you can still do all of that and be a conservative by the way like me) but don't say anything to her it's her choice what she does.

    • Thanks for the opinion. I don't want to attack her for all these things. Just let her know that they are things that bother me. Is that still wrong to inform her so she can decide if she values her lifestyle or our relationship more?

    • You shouldn't make it a choice for her just tell her that they bother you and maybe talk about removing one thing like the weed or not talking about it but don't force her into anything. Or just date a more conventional girl.

What Guys Said 2

  • Tell her if she asks.

    • So don't bring it up? It's something that's weighing on my chest a little.

  • Like getting your period in the snow