What do guys think about a very shy girl who gets attention but doesn't date anyone?

I used to be extremely shy. My parents are strict: so I couldnt go out to the movies (until now, I'm 17), go on sleepovers (even if it was all girls), watch more than 30min of tv a day, sit with my peers (I had to sit with my parents), date...πŸ™„ On and on. I didn't get a phone till last year and I've been homeschooled all my life. I guess you could say I got a lot of attention from the guys so the girls either hated me and thought I was stuck up. I was too shy and didn't show any interest in the guys that flirted/liked me. I've never dated or been kissed. My focus is on being successful scholastically and making myself a better person. I am building up my confidence and when I force myself to reach out and make friends and most people that know me well like me. Because girls tend to glare at me and guys stare but don't approach me, I am as kind as possible and don't brag about anything (clothes, school, boys etc).

So I'm kinda interested in dating and guys lol but I don't know if any of them are interested in me anymore. Several guys have pursued me for years, flirted with me but gave up, play hot and cold etc. do they just consider me a challenge? Do they stare at me because they like me or just to look? Do they not approach me because they think I'll say no or cause they don't like me? I've watched my friends go through bad guys so I can tell when a guys a player. I'm talking about nice/regular guys that do this. It's I'm graduating next year so maybe when I go away to college... cause I'm stuck in a complicated situation. Help!

  • They think you're lesbian
    Vote A
  • They think you're stuck up so they give you space
    Vote B
  • They like you but they hide their feelings because they don't want you to reject them
    Vote C
  • Nothing. They just move on with their lives.
    Vote D
  • They like you but they think you're a goody too shoes church girl
    Vote E
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that you sounds a lot like several of my female freinds from church. They are putting their schooling and God first but the do want to date. In our church not to many people do date. Mostly because well we know that were not compatible. That being said there are only about 20 of us regulars and about 20 more non regulars. I also hear that a lot of the guys are a bit to pressured to date the right girls. Recently there was a big drama in the group where my freind started dating a toxic girl and it took a year for him to realize that after 5 of us warned him about it. After he was down but he got right back up and into dating but several of the guys put to much into worrying about choosing God's one to date and not to mess up and date the wrong one for a while. Making the girl wonder why no one is asking them on a date. However that is not really the right way to look at it. Even our pastor had a message about dating and he told us that there is not just one person for you but several that you will love in your dating life. Most won't be the correct person for you and you will realize it. When you find a person that you see yourself being with then she is most likey someone that you will probably marry.
    If you see a guy that you like in church, flirt with him and let him know that you like him. Hopefully he will be able to have the courage to ask you out.

    With guys alway let them know what your looking for. Are you looking for a husband, a relationship, a one night stand? Tell them that if they want into your pants that they will have to marry you. Right then that gets rid of a lot of guys who just want into your pants. For the players that want a challenge be serious about it. Don't let him do anything to you and don't be alone with him or his freinds.
    In college study but save time for friends and dating it makes it a lot easier because you can let off steam and pressure by just being with other people.
    There are good men looking for women like you.
    As for the hot and cold guys. I'm guessing that if you were dating them that you did not give them enough encouragement to continue dating you.- Not in a sexual way but just in dating is a give and take relationship just like love is.
    For the guys that have just liked you for years they might have been waiting for a sign that you liked them back before asking you out.

    I wish you good luck and good hunting. If you want any more advice on your other questions you can follow me or message me.

    • I enjoy getting advice from other Christians so I would follow you but your anonymous. I would like your advice on my church freind that I'm trying to ask out and I would appreciate your advice as an extremely shy woman.

    • Show All
    • True good point she might not be sure and does not want to loose me as a good friend. She is also insecure cause she is the second banana sister to an extent. Would asking her out be pushing her to much? How do I find out if she is even ready for a relationship? An suggestions on how to talk with her about her feelings? If she is not ready how come she just does not ask me to stop?
      When I had my opportunity alone with her. She seemed nervous like she was expecting something awkward. After I blew my chance to ask her out. She seemed kind of annoyed and some what avoided me the rest of the evening. As for her hobbies she enjoys reading. I asked her for a book suggestion and I got the book that she suggested. I'm still trying to read through it. It is a good book but I just have not felt like sitting down and reading it. The other week I also gave her the book that I have been meaning to give her. She seemed to like it. The last few times she and her family have not been to church

    • So I don't know what is going on with her and I can't really talk about it with her. Sorry the last time she was not there.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Nothing, they just move on

    • Ok... But why would they keep staring at me?

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • It really comes down to the guy. Everyone is different. It could be the guy is scared about how strict your parents are right now and don't think they'll be able to have a relationship with you.

    Or maybe they weren't that into you to begin with.

    You sort of remind me of the girl I've been pursuing. She hasn't lived as strict of a life as you but she is very shy, very closed off, not very self confident, very focused on school, her parents are super strict, and she doesn't usually let guys get close to her.

    Even with all of that I want to be with her enough that all of that doesn't matter because she shows just a tad bit of interest in me. I'll be best friends with her parents if I have to, or move the moon if it's what I need to do. It all comes down to how committed the guy is willing to be and if you are showing guys who are interested in you attention.

    If you are going to be going off to school and away from a strict lively hood then I got good news for you, College there are plenty of guys who lived a similar lifestyle as you that won't care if you are inexperienced. Hell any guy shouldn't care how experienced you are. If they like you they will make it work as long as you show them signs that you are willing to move forward with them.

    • That's the best advice I've heard in a while lol thank you!
      That's really sweet of you to keep pursuing that girl. Maybe I'm biased but I think those type of girls are the most loyal and intelligent even tho they might not be the most experienced.
      Yeah, I never really shared how strict my parents were as I got older and I just said I couldn't do things. So they might have thought I was a boring goodie two shoes person...
      Only three guys still stare at me/flirt once in a while. One of them is *very* good looking (he gets a lot of attention all the time) and also focused on school. He's often away at school but when he's here I catch him staring at me. He looks away immediately. His best friend does that too but sometimes hell just lock eyes with me and smile when I'm far away but when I'm close he looks away when our eyes meet. Then the other guy has been chasing me for a year or more and he started getting a little less forward and look at me when I'm not looking.

    • Show All
    • Give her space; but not too much space. If she likes you she might think you don't like her and recede even more. Offer once in a while and if she doesn't respond well, back off for a bit

    • Just be confident in yourself. You can do it. Signs might not be enough for him to catch on to your flirting. I know I can be very oblivious to them. But anything that might start at least some form of small talk or conversation will do wonders. Starting out is the hardest part at least in my opinion. Follow your instincts and trust your gut and you'll find a way to get things started. I hope it works out for you.

      I don't know how strict exactly, just just mentioned that her father looks through her text and phone logs sometimes. It really is hard to give her space, especially since I'm really worried that she is going cold to me even though she said everything was OK a few weeks ago. We hardly talk anymore and it's super disheartening, I just trust her that everything is all good. About to ask her about this weekend I think. Full expect this not go well. Maybe I should listen to my own advice. Have confidence. If she says no, I guess I'll back off some more.

  • I think you're lucky that you have such luxuries, I'm shy too, and I never get asked out even tho my friends tell me I look like a gay Bruno MarsπŸ˜…πŸ˜…

    • I never got asked out either, most of the people I know well are from church and they didn't have any events or anything. I was too shy to initiate convos with any guy I liked so we're in the same boat...
      Lol that's funny tho... Make sure the girls know you're not gayπŸ˜†

  • They like you but they think you're a goody too shoes church girl

    • Yeah I think that's the problem. I think They think I don't want to date anybody and that I'm stuck up and naive. when that's not the case at all. It sucks

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