How do I get over my insecurity about being in a relationship?

Never been in a relationship but when people start to develop feelings for me I feel like they are using me or just saying that to use me. Then I get so paranoid, anxious and start being insecure around them and then they get turned off by it and find someone else. I've had a lot of guys claim to "like" me but some have said that they were desperate for a girlfriend, some just want one to have the status and another wanted me to make up for what they lack (They failed school, no job, lazy and I am in university, have a job and keep healthy)
Sometimes I just don't feel good enough for anyone and when people like me I find it hard to believe that someone does.. I just get so insecure I ask a lot of questions like "why do you like me?" makes me sound like a prude.. I don't think I'm fun or have anything to offer let alone interesting.. just feel hopeless and especially since I've missed out on so many opportunities to have a relationship but my insecurities got in the way of everything :(

What do I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with @lumos, in your case you might benefit from some therapy. Your insecurities and fears are normal, we all have them but you're never going to find someone if you let them control you all the time. Every new relationship is a risk, yes you might get hurt or used but you may not. The only thing you can do about that is learn from these experiences. Learn what to look for and what these types of guys might say and do and "nip it in the bud" when you see it happening. Lots of women see these behaviors but ignore them or justify them somehow. They think they will be different or they can change him, "it won't happen to me", that's the thinking you have to avoid. No, this is the way he is and it's going to happen. Are you going to let it happen? But you can't avoid everyone forever because of fears/insecurities or you'll never find someone.

    • Its not that I dont avoid people or guys; I mingle and talk and once I seen the obvious signs that he likes me (being close to me, complimenting and being nice) just immediately start getting insecure and I feel like Im not worth it because they are such a great guy.. they dont deserve someone like me and I dont even know what they see in me

    • Yes, get some therapy. You need more self confidence and learn to like yourself first. Everyone has doubts about themselves but you need to like yourself more first before others can.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Therapy sounds like it could help you, you definitely have some underlying issues that you need to figure out.
    Also remember that relationships aren't everything. I got into my first relationship a few months ago, and you know what has changed since then? Nothing, really. I still feel the same way, I still have my shitty days and my good days. Now instead of just relying on my friends and family, though, I can also rely on my boyfriend. A relationship is not a necessity to me, it's simply a bonus. And I adore my boyfriend a lot, of course, and I'd hate it if he left me. But people make it seem like relationships somehow leave them shaken to the core, like they're changed for life, and their life has been nothing but amazing since they got with someone. That's simply not true.
    So maybe you should put less pressure on yourself and this fantasy you have of relationships. Having someone is amazing, sure, but being single is just as amazing in its own way. It's also good to try to filter out the bad apples from the good, but don't keep questioning someone for liking you when it's genuine. Maybe you need to start liking yourself more before you try to find someone.

    • Thank you! I appreciate your opinion. I do know somewhat where my insecurities come from.. might go back to primary/high school.. Im just not really sure if it that bad but I have been dealing with this for a while.
      a lot of people judge me because I dont have a boyfriend or that I've never been in a relationship but try not to let it bother me

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You keep searching there is a person out there for everyone

    • I find them, then I can't believe its true then get insecure and then they leave.. my love life in a nut shell

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    • Ok this is when self esteem comes into play I used to go through times where I had similar feelings but what you have to realise is it is a privalage to be with you and that you are awesome and people want to be with you. And most guys won't be "using you"

    • Yeah I keep telling myself that but I have my doubts

What Girls Said 1

  • Omg, you sound just like me. I haven't had a lot of chances to get a boyfriend or seriously date, but the times I have my insecurities got in the way : (

    • Yeah know how you feel 😓 ruined a chance to date my best friend of 6 years a long time ago.. asked me out 3 times and still said no but looking back on it he was the only one who really understood me and accepted my flaws.. a big idiot i was...