Please help, I know I seem like a complete jerk with what I say. Do you think this could be a good thing? Has anyone gone through something like this?

This Friday I'm going on a date. This person isn't so much my type tho, he listens to good music and he's nice and sweet, we met online. He's not a bad looking guy just not really someone I would point out in a crowd of people and be like I think he is cute, but I also didn't think my ex was all that cute, who I also met online the first time I saw his face I was like ehhhhh he isn't cute at all but once I started to fall for him even more I was like alright I could see someone having a crush on him. So I'm curious as to if this could play off similar?

This guy seems really cool. I haven't been the best with him. This is a horrible thing on my part but when my ex and I got into a fight and broke up I started talking to this guy again and we were going to meet up but then my stupid ex apologized like crazy and made me think that he changed so then I started to ignore this guy again and while I was with my ex this guy would constant message me on snapchat but I never replied back to him. However now that my ex and I are 100% done he was abusive mentally and I'm tired of him and his stupidity. I'm finally deciding to meet up with this guy and I am excited but for some reason I'm just not feeling as much as I felt it with my ex when we first started talking. I don't know I mean I've know this guy for nearly a year now and he still tries getting with me even when I never reply back. So I feel like this guy is super super sweet.

I mean you can't really know how well something will go until you finally go on a date or two right? I just don't want it to be one of those he's super sweet and nice and so into me that it turns me off and I'm not into him because of that, because that what always happens. Like I almost never dated my ex because he got so into me so fast just for him to not like me at all. He never loved me and I don't want to put this guy through what my ex did to me.

Actually the guy just sent me pic of him on snapchat and he's actually pretty cute still not really my type but cute. My ex also wasn't my type but yet I still thought he was cute after getting to know him better.

I'm scared of getting hurt again. But this guys seems like a good one even since he's still trying to get me after a year of me just pulling him on a leash. I don't know, I feel like a jerk sometimes and this guy deserves better but I could also be overthinking this too much. I'm just scared


Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop, just stop. All of this worrying and trying to fix something that isn't broken. I don't understand what you're asking us for. This boy clearly likes you and clearly doesn't mind being cast aside by you when you think you have a better option so why not ride it out? He has put in the time and stayed interested in you while you clumsily figured out your shit with your ex, he deserves at least a shot. I'm not saying you owe him sex, or even a relationship, but he has shown you patience and that he cares for you. So the least you could do for him is give him a shot without you thinking about your ex or if he is cute enough. Just get to know him outside of him being that back up man. If he is a turd then move on, but if you give him a good shot and he shows you he is a good guy go for it.

    Personally I think it would be best if you took a break in between relationships especially in this situation because now no matter what this guy will be linked to your ex in your mind. If I where you I would relax, focus on myself, and figure out where I am in my life and what I need before going after another maybe.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Takes about 3 or 4 dates for a gal to start feeling it with a new guy. The worst thing you can do is compare. Don't compare the feelings you get for your former flames. No two guys in your lovers will be alike. Sometimes you will find attraction months into meeting someone. Just give this guy a fair chance and see where it goes.

    • Will do thank you for the help. I'm just really nervous because the first relationship I ever had screwed me over he was manipulative, mentally abusive for some dumb reason I still loved him anyways then he told me that I'll never not be awkward when it comes to sex and no one will ever like me and stuff like that and I told him that I'll get better with everything I'm just still new to it and he'd tell me no you aren't and you'll always be like this. Turns out he never loved but tried to force him to but never could. It just hurts because before when we fought I told him the more and more I'm with him I fall harder and harder for him yet he didn't own up to it he just made me believe that he wanted to be with me forever. and I'm terrified of being hurt again like that. I'm scared to let myself love someone again. next time I go to have sex with a new partner I'm going to be so self conscious thinking that I am being really awkward. that boy had a way of planting thoughts into my head.

    • Show All
    • Dating is really not about finding a guy quick. You already saw what happens when you stick to the first guy that sweeps you over... he takes advantage of you. Dating at your age is to have fun, enjoy each other and explore what you two can offer each other. Do not listen to manipulative guys. They intentionally make you feel worthless because they want to feel in control. You have a long dating life ahead of you. Some relationships will be memorable. Some will be hell. Some will leave because they have to. A lot will be jerks. It's all a process to get you to the right one. With time you will be able to know exactly what you need. When you are happy and content with yourself, you will make better choices. Just do not let anyone treat you bad. You have a family right? They raised you. They loved you. Do not let some punk undo the hard work that your family put into you. Delete that other guy's number. Earache him from your existence. That is not love.

    • I know but I'm also not really looking for anyone too. Like, this guy has been wanting to date for a while so I'm like sure why not. I'll finally give it a go and see what happens. I'm not really the type that can go on dates with different people. I'm not one to date I prefer getting right into the relationship which yeah isn't the best thing.

      I try not to. He's the first guy I ever really loved and he the first guy that I thought ever loved me. That honestly is my new favorite thing ever 'don't let some punk undo the hard work your family put into you.' he's ugly mofo that isn't allowed to make me feel like I'm a horrible or annoying person, he was only in my life for a small fraction. My family doesn't deserve to see their hard work go to waste on some loser who couldn't love some as amazing as I am.

      For real bless your heart!

What Guys Said 1

  • He (your orbiter) needs to get some self respect and backbone and you need to take time out and process the baggage from your previous thing, not jump into dating someone.

    • I'm not interested in my ex, I've gone on a date after my ex and I broke up and it was okay. I just keep comparing these dates to my first date with my ex. I'm tired of sitting around wishing my ex was around and all that garbage he's dating again and I want to too. I'm just terrified of him hurting me and I'm trying to not hurt the guy. I don't want to play him like I have in the past that's why this time I'm actually going through with it. He seems like he's worth it seeing as how he doesn't really stop but me treating him the way I did I feel like he deserves better.

What Girls Said 2

  • Don't. There are 2 huge red flags here:

    1. You're not over your ex.
    2. You're not into this other guy.

    It's just gonna go wrong, trust me. You'll hate yourself. I used to think similar when I was younger, but the older you get you learn not to settle for less then you want. It's great that this new guy is cool, but it's not enough. Just wait. Be on your own for awhile, do some activities, heal and get over your ex, and then when you feel it in your heart that you are ready to date again and actually do fall for someone - do it. Don't you wish to feel those butterflies and excitement towards someone? If you're patient it'll come to you. There's nothing wrong being alone.
    I've been single for 2 years after breaking up with my ex. First year was a hell, but second year was the best damn year ever! I also had very very sweet guys wanting to date me but I just didn't really feel it, I only considered them out of loneliness and out of habit of having a boyfriend, and that's not right. I've learned to appreciate myself more after being single for so long and I realized that I deserve the kinda love I want. And that my future partner also deserves the best of me. It payed off! :)

  • Ummm wtf is your question

    • idek, I don't know I'm v nervous for this date and I feel like the dude can do better than me like he's cute but I'm not physically attracted to him and I'm scared, like I already know he's into me but I'm not as into him, and my ex and I were the same where I was super into him and he wasn't super into me and he pretended and tried to force himself to love me but couldn't and that was the worst thing I ever went through and I'm scared to do the same thing to this guy.. Like once you get to know someone can you get attracted to them or is it something that has to be there right off the bat or else it'll never be there?

      I'm just stressing a ton because I don't want to hurt him like my ex hurt me but I also don't want him to hurt me like my ex hurt me. I don't knowwww

    • Oh I see