Is it unrealistic to think you might be able to meet someone without going the online dating route anymore?

Maybe my problem is I'm looking for a traditional man, one who is okay with taking things day-by-day, paying for certain types of dates like movies or eating out every now and then (when I'm not cooking), making a majority of (not all) of the initiation of contact, etc. All I really ask is that they're respectful, clean (hygiene-wise), have good work ethic, and honestly it's a bonus if they're taller but I've dated some guys that were my height as well.

I can't say there aren't good guys out there, because I've dated some really nice men. They've always ended up falling through because "things get too comfortable" and that freaks them out, or they move. The moving I understand, but I don't know why it's bad if we're dating several years and they want out just because even though it's working well, things aren't as "exciting" and "new" anymore? This concept is actually kind of stressful for me because I'm not the type to get bored easily doing the same things repetitively. I realize that probably makes me strange in the whole grand scheme of things these days, since the world (I'm speaking VERY generally here) seems to be running on some kind of "always looking for the next exciting thing" mentality on steroids.

I don't knock online dating; I know of some very good success stories, but it hasn't worked out for me. The guys always range from not being honest about who they are or they make me incredibly uncomfortable because I get an alert they're checking my profile every ten minutes (this actually made me get off the site I was using so super fast and I'm not keen to try again, and I never went on a date with these people). Every long term relationship I've had has been someone I've met in person. Maybe it's because I'm living in a city environment, but people just don't seem to be interested in dating long-term out here. Everything needs to be quick, hook-up, and move on.

Anyone have suggestions on where to meet someone? Or is online dating the best or only way?


Most Helpful Guy

  • There is a lot to unpack in this ha-ha. I'll start by saying the city dating scene is a joke. I just moved out of Chicago after living there a few years and it was rough. City dating is just different.

    Online dating is awful too. It is basically a peacock show and the brightest win. Guys have to try harder on dating sites. They just do. Most women don't message first. Most men don't get 100 women a day stopping on their profile. Also chemistry can only go so far in text. Get the app meetup for your phone. Join some social groups of things that interest you and meet people there. Online there is always that iffy side where as in person you can read people better and actually know who you're talking to.

    It is completely possible and completely preferable to meet your partner in person. It's how it has been done for hundreds of thousands of years. But you have to be willing to work at it now. While I lived in Chicago I made it a point to try and talk to as many people as I could. Accumulate friends and sooner or later you'll meet someone you really like.

    Just take it slow and remember, you don't NEED to be in a relationship, it is something you want. Take the time to get to know someone like people used to do. If you want a quick relationship you are going to have to be pretty damn lucky for it to work out.

    • Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels the way I do about dating in the city! Thanks for your thought out response, it's appreciated. And the candor. Responses like this on the Internet are refreshing, if you know what I mean.

      I'm with you on not needing, but wanting to be in a relationship. Guess my frustration is more, it's not that I TRY to be a "boring" person, but on a scale of am I the kind always doing something new every single day or do I have a routine I like and am okay with and would like to meet someone beating to a similar drum, I'm definitely the latter, and it apparently makes me super boring lmao. Just wondering if I'll ever meet someone cool with a relationship that's stable and just generally easy flowing.

    • When I talk about relationships with people I have to tell them this all the time. You do not meet someone two years already into your relationship. Sure the routine part is the part everyone wants to end up at. Where there is no more guessing and it's safe and you guys just know you'll be doing things together. But no one starts that way. You can't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone a little. If you have a routine you like now that's totally normal and fine, but adding a partner fundamentally changes that no matter what you do. So why not have a little fun with it? If your hobby is underwater basket weaving, then find a guy who is into that. If you just like drinking wine and watching TV, I promise you a lot of men out there would love to come home at the end of the work day to drink a beer and veg out with you. Just give a little and find someone who is willing to give as you do. Time is your friend not your enemy. I can tell you are someone who wants longevity

What Guys Said 2

  • what do you believe in?

  • I'm exactly the guy you are looking for, and have the same problem. I don't know where to meet a good girl, I tried online dating but it's horrible... Girls don't reply, or conversations go no where...

    I don't club, or go to bars, and I'm not the most social person in the world... So I just do my own thing, go to work, get groceries, go to stores... maybe the best place to meet pets every day places?

    • Like a dog park? The ones nearby me are not all that bustling with activity. Haha, but not a bad idea.

What Girls Said 1

  • Online dating is such a joke. I prefer meeting people in real life too but even that's hard. Harder to go out and meet people when it's not someone you meet through friends. It's really lame and I hate the whole speed dating app situation. There's no substance to it.

    • I know, right? I'm not a fan of how superficial online dating is. Also I didn't enjoy filling out my profile. The whole time I kept thinking, what am I, a menu item? It was a really weird experience for me.

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