Which do you think is the REAL reason he ended things with me? (this is a little long, but I really would love some help)?

Backstory - My aunt set me up with her coworker. She gave him my number and told him to call me sometime if he wanted, and we went out that weekend.
-1st date was great. He was holding my hand, dancing with me at the concert we went to. At work on Monday he told everyone how great I was.
-2nd date - Tons of fun. We sat talking for hours realizing we had lots in common. He referenced events we would attend together in the future and he told me he wanted to keep seeing me. He reached out to my aunt to thank her for introducing us.
-3rd date - THIS is where it gets weird. Beginning of the night was great. He told me how cool and beautiful I am. I told him about a taco Tuesday deal at a place I know, and he said, "can we start going on tuesdays?" It all seemed fine. Then we both got a little too drunk. We were at a bar where I know the male bartenders and they kept feeding us drinks. They seemed to be flirting with me. Another male friend came over to say hi and I was hugging him. At the end of the night the bartenders crumpled up my bill and ended up putting it on my date's tab. Total dick move, I dont know why they did that. Date seemed offended. We went to another bar where I also knew lots of people. The bouncers quickly waved us inside, cutting the line, and we got free drinks because I knew the bartenders there as well. I kept getting interrupted by friends I hadn't seen in a while. A girl from high school sat with my date and I for a while. Then at one point in the night, he began talking about politics. We didn't have a debate, but we didn't necessarily agree.

He kissed me goodnight and said he wanted to see me on Tuesday. On Monday he calls me to tell me he is still in love with his ex (that he broke up with two years ago...) and every time he tries to move on, he can only think about her.

Do you think it was really because of his ex? Or do you think he was put off by the fact that I know LOTS of people and that a couple guys were flirting with me?


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  • Probably a bit of both. No one wants to go on a date with someone who makes it clear they aren't their first priority and pays more attention to other guys than them the whole night.

    Oh-But I'd be wary if this guy keeps in touch with you after this. Because telling you he still loves his ex and still seeing you... would imply that he doesn't want to take you seriously. So if he continues to act really into you and u think he really likes you he could still turn around now and be like 'I think u misusnderstood me, I did tell you I'm still in love with my ex' etc... As a mechanism to stop things getting serious.

    So yeah, either way I'd cut your losses with him and move on.

    • Noo I didn't pay more attention to them than him. But I think the simple fact alone that I knew all these people and the bartender didn't treat him very well just put him off. I tried to keep my conversations with other people brief. I could still see it being annoying though when you're constantly being interrupted by strangers when you're trying to get to know someone. We had great chemistry so I was shocked for him to end things over something that I easily could have explained away. He happened to select the only two bars on the planet that I go to.

    • Yeah, is a bit odd. Oh well, sounds like he has his own problems.

  • Did you give him your share of the bar tab when it was charged to his card? That's what I would have done, and its the polite thing to do. With the rest of the night, as long as you politely mentioned to the people you bumped into you were out with your date and made it clear to them, and him, that he was your sole attention for the night, then I don't see an issue. Your'e out with HIM not them. However, with you being friendly with bartenders, may also give off the impression you're a party girl and a bit of a flirt if they're only male ones you know. Going to a place like that isn't really ideal for when you're just getting to know someone in my opinion and can scare them off. He could have lied about his ex, judging from what you've said, but its a tough call.

    • Yeah I ended up buying him food after to make up for it because I felt really bad. I could tell her was still irked though. And yeah, I tried to keep my conversations with the others brief and to include him/introduce him, but who knows if that was still a turnoff. I think I definitely came across as a party girl.. which is funny because I never go out and when I do, its only to one of those two places because I have friends there. Ironically those happened to be the bars he selected. If we went anywhere else it would have been so different haha.

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    • Agreed. I am glad I am not the only one who thinks the "still in love with my ex" excuse was BS haha. Thank you!!

    • No worries! If you need any further advice with anything let me know :)

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