Guys, why would a confident guy wait around before making a move?

OK. So, I'm dating this guy. We've been out twice, and are complete opposites. He's confident and rests in his own skin. I, on the other hand, am shy, inexperienced and quite intimidated by his effect on me.
I've never been this into a guy, and have always been the one to take things slow. Now, it seems the roles are reversed. He gives me plenty of hints, calling me sweet things, telling me he misses me, and yet, he doesn't make a move! I melt just by the thought of him. He's not the type to play girls (from what I can tell), and seems genuine. What's going on?

I really don't think I'm bold enough to make a first move, especially as he is not the type to sit around and wait. He wants something, he goes for it. He applies that to everything in his life. Except, it would seem, me. He is not spontaneous per se, but he's not an "over-thinker" either. He's very good at reading people, perhaps he picks up on my nervousness around him and misinterprets it?

I don't want to come off as clingy at all, therefore, I like to let him take lead. It just frustrates me, not knowing where we stand. I am leaving for 5 weeks, and I've wondered if he holds back because he's concerned about the distance? The thing is, we've been talking for months. I wish he would just tell me how he feels. Can I ask? Do guys like it straightforward? Gosh, I'm so confused.

Sorry if this was too long. I really hope you have a few tips for how to handle this type of situation. xx

I really appreciate all the comments here, they have definitely helped me clear up a few things. Sometimes you just need an outside opinion to make you realise you already knew the answer. Thanks. xx


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he definitely wants to make a move. He must really like you quite a lot, and he's not making a move because he is unsure if you will be offended by him making a move. He doesn't want to scare you away. You must be giving off vibes that you like to take things really super slow. If he's waiting this long to make a move yet he is still involved with you like this, then yea, he likes you a lot.

    You better hurry up and give some hints or something! lol. You can tell him, you could kiss him, I don't know, do something! I've dated shy girls before. I'm awful at the initial stages of attraction. But once me and a girl are like... netflix and chillin, I know when to make my move because I'm shy, I dated shy girls, I just understand what it's like. Your guy, he's probably not used to shy girls, he has no idea how fast to go because you are super hard to read. Give him some damn obvious clue girl cmon!

    • Thanks for the reply!
      I guess I might have told him from the very beginning that I'm one to take things slow, and have told him of previous dating experiences where guys scared me off with their lovey-dovey attitude. I just feel like fast isn't fast enough with this guy! I almost don't recognise myself. I've fallen hard, and it's scary, that's why I am extra careful not to come off as a needy girlfriend this "early", especially as I know how it feels to be at the receiving end of that line.
      Last time we went out I felt like my feelings for him were radiant, like I didn't say it, but my entire body was tingling, I couldn't stop smiling and he made my heart pound. I was so sure he'd be able to see right through me. Maybe he didn't see it. I just have a hard time reading him. If he's into me after all, if he's still figuring out if he sees the same potential in me, as I see in him. Gosh. I just don't know that I can let him pass by without giving it a shot.

    • Text his ass right now! Tell him you were thinking of him or you miss him and you wanna get together asap! gogo! Don't let him drift on! goooooooooooooo!!!

What Guys Said 2

  • Thank for explaining it helps greatly. What's going on is you like his leadership, confidence, his no nonsense attitude. He's being real with you. Yes be straight forward with him, let him know your concerns and where you stand. Then ask him where he stands, and his thoughts. Ask him what he is pursuing in this relationship. Then you tell him what your looking for in this relationship. Meaning does this relationship lead to marriage?

    • I suppose you're right. He is being real with me, and I owe to be the same with him. My problem is timing. I never know when the time is right. How do you know if you're on the same page?
      It wouldn't be too much to ask where we stand? We've only gone out twice, but we've talked and texted so much it seems like I know him. And I feel honoured that he opens up to me. I just can't focus on this trip if he lingers in the back of my mind, not knowing where we stand...

    • On the third date present the questions. Let him know what is on your mind. That you want to establish that you and him are thinking and moving toward the same goal.
      I have learned by the third date you both discuss where you and him are. Find out where both of you stand, then go from there.

  • Just because he's confident in one area, doesn't necessarly mean he's confident in all areas of life.

    From what you wrote though, he's seeing you as a "bunny." As in he's taking things slowly and calmly as to not scare you off.

    • Interesting comment. I agree, he probably isn't confident in all areas of his life - well, he wouldn't be human if he was, would he?

      When I first read the word "bunny" I was like "oh no, what have I gotten myself into", but your further description makes sense. I really appreciate your input. Thanks.

    • True.

      Were you thinking "Playboy Bunny"? I'm just glad I decided to explain that one. My friends and I speak in code most of the time. Not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.

    • Haha exactly! I get it, but thanks anyway :p