He doesn't want to "ruin" our friendship but gets jealous of me dating other guys...so confused, help?

So this is my last ditch effort to try and figure out if I should just cut this guy off as my friend and move on or "stick it out" with him. I have this guy friend that I've known for about 5 months. We have tons in common and have an amazing time together, so much so that people in our group of friends sometimes feel awkward around us and comment on how silly we are together.

I knew that I was developing feelings for him, and I thought he might feel the same because of flirty behavior and what appeared to be jealousy of me hanging out with other guys, so I decided to ask him out on a date. He basically told me that he hasn't thought of things that way but wants to think about it because he's lost friends in the past in situations like this and really doesn't want anything bad to happen to us because"what we have is really special".

I took that as a glaring "no" and decided to move on. Two weeks pass and he doesn't give me a response. All the while this other guy who he sort of works with is really interested in me and keeps asking me out on dates. To make a long story short (too late) I'm now dating this other guy but my friend gets really uncomfortable and weird when I even mention the new guy and is clearly unhappy with me seeing him. Its even more weird because some of our mutual friends were acting strange because they didn't want to tell my friend that they knew this other guy liked me and didn't know how he would respond if he found out, which completely confuses me!?!?!?!?

I know "he's not that into you " says that its BS when a guy says he doesn't want to ruin a friendship, its just an excuse for them just not being into you, and I'm willing to accept that. But why is he all jealous now!?!?! What the heck is going on with this guy? Guys PLEASE help!

Ugh! Things are getting worse! The new guy is back from a long holiday so now my friend is in super hang-out-with-me mode. He's trying to get me to be with him every night this week. I got it down to 2 nights, but I'm bugging out, its hard to say no :(


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hello,

    The answer is pretty simple, dispite the fact he doesn't want to get into anything with you most men have a problem with jelousy, in otherwords he didn't want to damage what he had with you whilst you were single becouse he had you to himself and could have fun without concern of getting hurt.

    Now there a another man in the picture and he's not the "special" one anymore. that's why he's getting jelous.. if you ask him about it he will say its not true becouse he doesn't want to lose face but the fact is words are cheap and easy to say.

    Try setting him up with a freind of yours, (not someone you both know) get his attention onto someone else and he will stop being jelous of you, failing that you need to consider how much you can take and considering you've only known him 5 months cutting him off may be an idea.

    The fact is he's been too much of a wimp and lacked the self control and confidence to act when he had the oppertunity, now he's finding out the hard way what happens when you miss your chance.. But as the saying goes

    "All is fair in Love and War"

    He should take this experiance with him and learn from it..

    Good Luck


    • Thanks Chris, this helps a lot. I think I may have to cut this guy off. Truth is I still have strong feelings for him and I can't bear to see him with another girl. but, this new guy is really sweet and I don't want to ruin things with him, I want to give him a chance. Oh boy, this is gonna be hard...

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    • Eeshk! You're right, I do want my friend more damnit! I hate this dating crap. Why can't it ever be easy?? I really gotta sort this out.

    • It is easy you just need to know what your doing, but that's why I'm here :)

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