Civilian male interested in a female military officer. Help?

I currently have the pleasure of working under a brilliant female officer under special circumstances. She's mature, intelligent, and a high flyer in her career. I'm several years her junior and barely started on my career ladder.

We enjoyed regular conversations at work, and began texting each other a couple months back (mostly work related stuff after office hours). She initiated our first text conversation then, and we've maintained the light-hearted exchange ever since. In the last couple of weeks, we even had conversations that stretches from when we knock off from work till near midnight.

The catch is this: neither of us had the experience of an intimate relationship. I noticed that she is particularly demure when we're alone, and doesn't open up as much in her interactions with the many other males in our workplace (out of character for someone at her position). I feel that I should muster up courage and ask her our on a date, but I'm still technically her subordinate at a workplace where females struggle to gain equal footing with males.

Said working arrangements will end in a few month's time - so will the basis of our daily interaction. Any thoughts?

  • Ask her out on a date in person ASAP
    Vote A
  • Wait the few months out before making the move
    Vote B
  • Others (Share opinions below)
    Vote C
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FYI: I'm technically a civilian. Also, I've initiated more than half of our conversations. However, she did share that she personally felt shy and awkward around large group of guys in an informal setting - albeit sheepishly.


Most Helpful Guy

  • maybe you could sort of start making inroads while you two are still working together. perhaps just asking her to go out for a meal sometime. you could at some time sort of explain your feelings and intentions and see what she says. if she feels the same way but is uncomfortable with the workplace dynamics then like you said in a few months that will no longer be an issue

    waiting could work but anything can happen in that time


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 4

  • I would keep flirting with her, and make her KNOW I was interested, but cannot engage in anything like superior-subordinate, mostly to protect her!!
    But after the contract, she needs to know you want to just CURL HER TOES!!
    You can still play the superior, and subordinate, if you like, then!!

  • If you work UNDER her she's not going to be allowed to date you. That's not to say she wouldn't... That's to say she would get in trouble or worse.

    • I recognize that you're a civi. The point still stands. I'm pretty sure the UCMJ outlines the information if you really want to find out. (Assuming you're in the US.) And if you really want to find out, talk to an attorney.

  • Every female military person I've met has been a slut. Id stay away.

  • Under the uniform, she is a regular person. She will get a kick out of it!
    (Thank her fore her service when you do)