Please help! I'm terrible at dating so how do I handle this?

I've been single for 7 months now and have been on 3 dates with a great guy! I told him I didn't wanna rush things... then I panicked and did exactly that! I messaged asking what was going on between us and started admitting I was worried that he didn't want anything serious 😣 all my insecurities came out...
He's still talking to me *sigh of relief*
God knows why...
I have apologised and everything but I feel stupid. Now I'm waiting on the 4th date but at the moment he's broke cause he's getting contract work where he can until he starts his new job so he can't really do much in terms of activities!
So any advice? Do I step back and see if he asks me or just ask and risk appearing even more pushy again?
He told me he really enjoys my company and likes me but doesn't wanna rush things which is what I said too!
I'm just stressing waaay too much and making things worse...


Most Helpful Guy

  • I’ve heard of individuals doing worse than making the mistakes you’ve made overall in the new relationship you’re developing. Personally, I wouldn’t find you push, just anxious and nervous about the new relationship and there’s nothing wrong with that. We all get nervous. We all get anxious. You’ve apologized and taken a step back to regroup and that’s what you should have done given the circumstances, but now that’s past and you’re waiting on the first date. Perhaps you should practice a little bit of patience and given you already know about his financial situation, you should either in my view back off and just wait for him to come to you, or if you have the resources, there’d be nothing wrong with you being the bold one and asking him out instead. Let him know that it’d be your treat this time around. Personally, I would find it commendable for the girl I was dating to take such an initiative. Not only does it demonstrate her understanding of the situation overall, but she’s willing to pitch in when life is tough. That’s a person you know you can count on at your side when life is tough and hard and doesn’t just walk away because they aren’t getting all they want. It is your choice and you have to do what is going to make you the happiest, but you might consider stepping up and making the first move this time around. That’s my bottom line.

    • Thank you so much for your in depth advice 😊
      I was terrified but decided to gently ask him if he wanted to meet on Friday still as he suggested that day after our last date. He said he's trying to organise a double date with his mate but needs to confirm it first. Me being the organised person I am I get anxious if I don't have a time or anything. As I'm trying to chill out I just said let me know when you've spoken to him and got the details. I'm trying so hard to be more laid back... it's so much more difficult when you really like someone! I'm just relieved he's still considering another date with me.

    • This is a positive outcome to what otherwise could have done very differently. It is commendable you’re doing your best to remain chill and take it easy now that you’ve learned from your previous mistake and here it is you have a second chance to make it right now; not everyone gets such a second chance, therefore, make this one count and nurture it. I realize when you like someone a lot, it is hard, been there in such a situation, but I’ll give you the same advice which was given to me. Remember your ultimate objective here, which is to get to know him better, develop a relationship, and to do that you need to treat this like a marathon, not a sprint. One moment at a time, deep breaths, and most of all---relax.

      He's still interested in dating you so no harm and no foul by the previous misstep, so again, be sure you take advantage of this second chance and stay calm and collective. Don't let yourself get so excitable your anxiety pushes you to misstep again.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah you sound very unstable.
    You can ask him out if you want. You two don't need to go out to a fancy restaurant n spend bunch money on a date... simply get a coffee or do something light. Or you can pay for the date this time.
    If he tells you he's so busy/he doesn't have enough money to keep up.. so that he can't see you... that's a full of shit.

    You guys still getting to know each other do not ever tell him that you worry about where you two go, if he's not taking you seriously, things out of your insecurity...
    you don't want him to take you seriously after only 4 dates. You two still don't know eachother that well he cannot possibly be taking you seriously. He could like you, be interested. But NOT 'serious' yet.

    after 5-6th date, there could be something about HIM that turns YOU off. Vice versa. So like you say, like he says, do not rush things. Don't expect anything the first 8-10th dates.. and consider it as more of hang out/get to know meet up than dating/relationship stuffs. Maybe thinking this way will help you get less nervous about the whole thing.

    Do not ever show a guy insecurity side of you, or ask him where things go/are you taking this seriously stuffs only after few dates.. those will drive a guy away..

    • I just don't want to make things any worse! I've already paid for a date cause I said I wanted too, he went even though he was reluctant too. We've been for coffees and everything too and hscent done costly things.
      Mmmm ok then 🤔 I just dunno after what happened whether to suggest anything for this week or wait and see if he asks me? He said on our last date we could do something Friday but after I revealed my insecurities I don't want to push it...
      Right ok! I do tend to rush things which I am aware isn't a good thing 😕 that's a very good point! That's a better way of looking at it, atm o just feel so anxious after coming out of a bad relationship. He was very controlling and I now feel like I'm doing exactly what he was doing to me to this guy! 😔
      Ye I'm gonna stop now and take a step back! That's why I'm dubious about saying anything about meeting this week... I don't wanna push him away any further...

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What Guys Said 4

  • Never worry about putting your heart out. It will get stepped on and crushed from time to time, but you will never find love if you don't. It costs almost nothing for you to go to your place, have dinner and watch Netflix and that can be the best date ever.

  • Haha chill girl. Think before you message. Even give it a night if you must.

    Plan a date which doesn't involve spending. Like a bush walk or something.
    If you plan a week in advance it doesn't come off as "rushing things"

    He likes you. You like him.
    Just don't act like a crazy lady and you'll be fine.

    • Ye I need to do that 😂

      See I try to do that but then there's not much to do where I am so most things involve spending...
      Ye he was planning things like the day before or a few days before 😛 he mentioned meeting Friday last time but I don't wanna bring it up again and risk him thinking I'm still trying to rush things!

      Haha ye I need to chill...

  • Going for walks wouldn't cost anything!

  • You better and let him ask you for 4th date


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