How to understand guys with social anxiety?

there's this guy I kind of like and really want to get to know. We sit next to each other in our Biology class. I was always really confused and frustrated though because he wouldn't talk to me. And by this I mean he has never said a single word to me and it's been over a month. I'd ask him something and he'd look me in the eyes for a few seconds then quickly look down. My teacher recently told my parents this is because he has a social anxiety. He has lots of friends though, before he sat with me he sat with a guy friend but was moved back next to me because he would not stop talking to him in class. I always thought he hated me but there really was no reason that he should hate me, I've never been mean to him. I've said hi to him to before and gotten a wave. My mom and teacher think that he likes me but his anxiety is getting in the way of him talking to me. What are some ways I can get us to become closer and more like friends, he really interests me. He also fidgets a lot around me like tapping his pencil, drawing, etc... I've also caught him looking at me a few times too. He used to move his desk away from me but that hasn't happened in a while and he's starting to respond to me when I say hi to him, even if it is a small wave. Other people notice it too how he talks to them but not me. He doesn't do this with every girl either, he has talked to my girl friends himself a few times, even walked to class with her once. He really confuses me and is hard to understand. I'm not sure if he likes me or hates me even though I don't really understand why he would hate me, it's not like I'm being rude or mean.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Well maybe he needs more comfort with you. That being said, it's hard to build comfort with someone who won't talk to you. Maybe talk when his other friends are around? Like if he sees you talking to all the other people around he'll eventually be comfortable enough to talk.

  • Well, do you have anything in common with him?

    • We both go to an Agricultural Vocational School, this means out of the 150 kids in my grade we all are interested in working with animals, plants and mechanics. Kind of weird but I had my friend request him on instagram and she found out he has a dairy cow, I've requested him myself and haven't gotten a response yet. It's really difficult to get through to him. He's also really into American Culture I guess, I've seen him drawing the American and confederate flags. I also know he hunts. For me, I want to major in Marine Biology and he's in the marine biology club at my high school. I'm thinking of trying to initiate a conversation off of marine biology or his drawings.

    • Oh cool, so you actually have something to go on. I think that would be your best bet. :)
      Good luck by the way :p

    • Thank you!

  • talk to him, ask him out. seriously, girls gotta stop thinking guys have to do everything.

    • I do talk to him, I ask him questions about what he likes and try to get to know him. The one issue with that is, I am getting no response. Right now I'm really trying to get him comfortable with me, trying to initiate conversation, saying hello etc... It's really difficult though because I'm starting to get discouraged since he always acts really nervous around me. The most I've gotten from him is a wave and his last name. His social anxiety seems to really get to him around me and I don't want to push him too far.

    • social anxiety sucks. and you will make it worse of you give up on someone who has it. so, being forward about what you want and feel with him alleviates the anxiety toward a person.
      no one with social anxiety will initiate anything, unless they trust that person.

    • Ok I'll try more, thank you!

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