Getting to know someone online before asking them out?

So I hit it off pretty well with this girl I met on an online dating site. We didn't say much other than small talk on that online dating site, but we got each others Facebook. We hadn't contacted each other for a couple weeks, until a few weeks ago, when I IMed her on Facebook and we then had a conversation.

It lasted pretty long as we seemed to hit it off pretty well. But as I was busy doing homework while chatting with her, I didn't get the chance to respond when she suddenly had to log off as she was busy with something else.

Last week, I tried IMing her again but she didn't respond.. either was ignoring me, too busy, whatever. But I tried again today, and she responded this time. We mostly just talked about a speech she has to prepare for tomorrow (perhaps she was just talking to me to get speech advice, and not because of interest in me?)

Anyways, I'm thinking of asking her out to meet face-to-face but I don't know if we know each other well enough for us to meet yet. Should I ask her out? Also, what should I say? I heard its a good idea to just say 'I wanna hang out with you to get to know you better', so that way its less pressure on her as its not really a 'date'

What should we do in person? We both like to play basketball for fun. Should I ask her to eat dinner? Should I also ask her to play basketball together? Or something else such as coffee or bowling? Or do something less 'date'-like, such as just going for a walk?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Pickup online or through Facebook is the BEST! You have all your friends on your wall giving you tonnes of social proof. It's awesome! As long as you seem busy and fun. If you seem boring then you're screwed.


    Do this:

    1) Don't use IM on Facebook, simply message her. Some people just don't use IM, or they miss them. She won't miss a message in her inbox.

    2) Make up an excuse to get together... something small, something quick, and something that sounds fun. Her fears are that you're dangerous, needy, or creepy. So you need to show her that you're safe, trust worthy, and fun.

    3) Try this...

    "Hey, perhaps you can help me out? I've been dying to buy this book by Nate Green at Chapters downtown, and I heard about this cute little cupcake place next to it. How about you meet me at the book store sometime after school this week so I can finally meet you? I'm dying to know if you're as cute as you sound, or if you're creepy and old... ha! Got 30 minutes free for a quick shopping trip followed by a cupcake this Wednesday night?"

    This tells her you want to meet her, it tells her you're going there anyways to buy a book (so you read), it tells her she'll be enjoying a cupcake (or tea, or icecreme, or whatever you can find), and it lessens her suspicions by you teasing her that she might be creepy. It's meant to be flirty and fun, and it challenges her to also be fun.

    Just don't waste time by calling it a "date" or something so formal.

    You're not trying to marry her, or sleep with her. You're just trying to meet a nice girl in order to find out if she's cute and fun. If so then after your first date, line up another one.

    Also, by asking if she has 30 minutes free it implies that you're not trying to commit her to an entire evening... this will also lessen her worry.

    If she says no thanks, then you're chasing a girl who's not interested.

    You can't logically convince a girl to find you attractive... she either will or she won't. So by asking her to join you for tea/cake/books you're really saying, "Are you interested or not?"

    Good luck dude!

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    • But I see her on IM a few times the past few weeks. Won't be awkward if I just message her to ask her to hang out? Wouldn't it seem more natural if I chatted with her first on IM and then ask her out?

      the idea of asking her to meet for 30 minutes sounds like a good idea. But I don't know about that bookstore idea. I rarely go to bookstores to read, as I usually read magazines and newspaper articles as opposed to books. Also, I only know the city but not much details about where she lives.

    • If IM makes sense then it's fair game. If the book store seems awkward then shop for shoes, or shorts, or that new iPad you want. Bring her along to get her advice... women love shopping, plus it's a pretty safe "non-date" type activity, just be sure to end it with dessert in the food court.

      Or google map her area and find something that looks fun .. try "cupcakes" or "cookies."

      Just make it fun and brief. If the date goes well then add to it on the fly... "Hey, let's have dinner."

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • I think it would be fine to ask her to meet in person. Otherwise you might just talking online forever and nothing will happen. You did meet on a dating site after all.

    • Ok, but I just thought that since we had met online, we would have to take the time to get to know each other extra well before meeting up face-to-face?

  • Um well yeah you could use that line. Um if she likes basketball just take one with you if you have a car even better. play first then get tired and go eat. Have fun but don't be pushy. Um also to get her nevervous if she does like you don't talk to her all the time maybe every other day or two. Unless you are already together. :)

    • Well, I'm a little hesitant about the basketball idea and then going to eat, because I don't want us to be all sweaty and smelly before eating.

      i have no idea if she likes me or not. Each time we've chatted, I had to IM her first

    • I get what ur saying but I meant to play with her!!! Not play and kick her ass or vice versa on the court.

  • "I'm really 52 years old, wanna go out and buy some depends?" "What'dya say sugart*ts?"


What Guys Said 2

  • try find a place that's nice and prettly "Local" to you both. ask her out for a cup of coffee at a starbucks.. keep the date to 45min.

    If you and her date for over a month then you can start thinking about dinner dates. you don't want to find yourself having dinner with a girl have no chemistry with other wise it will just feel wrong.

    Have fun

    Good Luck


  • Well I have had a pretty nice and long relationship from online dating. A few actually. It can work out and it can crash and burn, just like any relationship.

    As for what to do, I say yes, ask her out, hang out, do whatever comes naturally. Be yourself, and treat her nice, and things could probably go well. Have fun with it man. You sounds like you're off to a good start already.

    • I'm checking back on a lot of my old answers like I usually do. I wanted to do a follow up to see if what I told you was at all helpful to you. Did my advice help?

    • Even though she responded to my IMs, when I sent her a message to hang out she didn't respond