Note: Before you tell me to just move on, I have come to terms with the fact that I may have to. I am aware of this.
I was dating a man for about five weeks. I tend to take awhile to open up and don't "spark" immediately. That being said, I was just starting to develop stronger feelings for him. We really enjoy hanging out. Enough that, when he broke up with me, he was crying and said that he very rarely connects with anyone as strongly as he did with me.
BUT he just didn't feel the spark he'd expect to feel with a girlfriend. His only relationship is two months in high school (he is 25). And I am the first girl he has slept with.
Most of my close friends who are in long term relationships started as friends first. And that's a more comfortable pace for me. I talked to my ex, and he is willing to admit that feelings could change in the future.
We are staying friends. Have already hung out. Have more future plans. Is there anything I can do to help... ignite that spark? Obviously, I can't force anything, but I'd love to be a helping hand. We are both (relatively) inexperienced, though I have had one relationship. And I think the fact that we met online had us both feeling pressured to feel a certain way at a certain point. And maybe that was just too fast.
Most Helpful Guy
There's usually a reason when someone doesn't feel that emotional connection (aka spark) for another person. You could ask him to tell you bluntly what stops him from connecting with you emotionally.
Experience-speaking, you're better off to let go someone who cannot develop feelings for you without you trying hard. In fact, trying hard can produce the opposite effect. Displaying lack of interest in another person is a powerful seduction technique.
It'd be interesting to know what were the terms by which you both initially started the relationship, though I understand not all cases both parties have clear understanding whether the relationship is just-for-fun, friends-with-benefits, or vanilla girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.
Could it be that it started as a sexual relationship? Or at least he fancied you only for the sex, and now wants you as friend. Well if you met online, particularly on a dating website I don't see why the should be pressured on both parties to start a relationship.0
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Most Helpful Girl
I would set a time limit for this (a few months maybe) and just be present. Go on friendly dates, keep in contact regularly and show him that you care. I agree, sometimes it can take time for feelings to grow but at the same time you don't want to be flogging a dead horse. If he isn't into it then he isn't but I don't think being available in this case would be harmful to either of you1
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